I'm In
by NoCapeNoCrown
Summary: Alex shows up at Olivia's apartment on Olivia's birthday finally confessing what she meant to confess four years ago. Olivia has moved on and is a bit taken back by Alex's confession. What happens next between the two of them?(A/O)/ Noah
1. Chapter 1

**7/31/16 Updated timeline from 2 to 4 years since Olivia and Alex kissed on the sidewalk. Pre Noah, pre William Lewis.**

 **I guess when an idea strikes, you just have to write it. I have missed you all, - M**

 **Ch. 1**

Olivia fumbled with the card in her hands as she watched the numbers on the elevator rise.

She flipped the card between one finger to the next.

"I miss you."

That was all the card said in an unmistakable, elegant script.

Perfect cursive penmanship, written with no obvious hesitation.

"I miss you."

The flowers attached to the card were a well thought out variety and remained in her office.

Fin teased her about her secret admirer.

But her admirer was no secret.

Olivia shoved her key into her front door lock.

"Lucy I'm sorry I'm late!" She said dropping her bag and the contents in her arms to the floor. "I got caught on my way out of the off…"

She expected Lucy to be there with her baby boy, instead, it was her.

She was sitting there, Noah on her lap, leaning comfortably against her, listening to her read him a story.

Noah saw his mama and immediately hopped off of her lap to Olivia's now open arms.

"Happy birthday" was all she said as she stood from the couch.

Olivia held Noah tight as her eyes glared at the woman now standing only a few feet from her.

"Where's Lucy?" Olivia asked not responding.

"She just left a few minutes ago. I told her I would be fine with Noah." Olivia kissed her son's head still holding him in her arms from their hello ritual.

"Thanks for the flowers," Olivia said flatly.

"Olivia..." she said now standing straighter as if to test the strength of her proverbial backbone.

"Alex…"

"I've missed you," Alex said shoving her hands in her pockets.

"Have you?"

"Liv."

Olivia looked down at Noah. "Baby, why don't you go play a little bit before bedtime so I can talk to Alex ok?"

Noah shook his head in agreement as Olivia set his feet to the floor.

Noah quickly made his way to the opposite side of the room to his basket piled up with toys.

Olivia reached for the card she had put in her pocket.

Alex gave a slight smile that she had it with her.

"Don't be so satisfied with yourself for sending me flowers, saying you miss me, and then showing up my apartment and holding my son like you belong here."

"I know you're angry with me. I deserve it."

Olivia let out a breathy amused laugh as she dropped the card onto the kitchen counter.

"Alex, we haven't seen each other or even spoken to each other... You disappeared, you cut me out of your life."

"Olivia I didn't mean to!" Alex said raising her voice and then looking back at Noah.

"You didn't mean to? We kissed. We kissed and you freaked out and ran away."

"I didn't run away."

"Well, you sure as hell didn't answer my calls, much less even acknowledge what had happened between us."

Alex's eyes filled up with tears "I'm so sorry, Liv."

Olivia turned her eyes away trying to focus on anything but her.

"Alex what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to wish you a happy birthday."

"You could've written that on the card with the flowers. You didn't have to show up here to tell me in person?"

"Yes... yes I did. I had to see you."

"So you thought my birthday was the best day to just show up?"

"I wanted to say I was sorry, I wanted to wish you a happy birthday… I wanted to tell you how much I've missed you in person."

"I think it's a little too late."

"Liv, what was I supposed to do?"

Olivia again just looked at Alex in disbelief.

"After we kissed, It was too much."

"Alex, that's all you had to say to me was it was too much. At least I would have had something."

"My feelings were in disarray. I didn't know If I should confess what I was really feeling. So I shut my feelings out, I closed my heart and I refuse to ruin…"

"Ruin what? Our friendship? You did a pretty good job of that without telling about how you felt about anything."

Alex couldn't swallow the lump in her throat and Olivia wasn't giving in. If Alex had the audacity to show up here now, she wanted an explanation.

"Liv I was scared."

"Of what Alex? It was me."

"That's just it, it was you!"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean what was I supposed to do tell you that I was in love with you? God Olivia!"

"Right, yeah that you were love with me!"

"I am in love with you," Alex said, lowering her voice.

Olivia took a step back from her.

"I've been in love with you for a long time. Hell, maybe since I met you."

Olivia was biting her bottom lip taking in what Alex was saying.

Olivia suddenly began shaking her head no.

"So why now? Why are you so bold now? So honest? Because it doesn't change what you were afraid of before. Admitting this to me just tarnishes your perfect little lifestyle, the DA's office, your friends, the Cabot fairytale."

"I'm not sure if you would believe me if I told you none of that mattered to me if I could be with you."

Olivia swallowed hard.

"I have a life too, I have a career and Alex… my son."

"So you're the one that's afraid? Alex punched.

"Don't you dare turn this around on me."

"Then don't shut me out because I finally got the God-damned courage after four years to show up and tell you that I'm miserable without you."

"Mama!" Olivia turned her attention to the pajama-clad boy.

"Yes baby, come here."

Olivia swooped her son back up in her arms, comfortably on her hip.

Alex watched.

Despite the heat of their conversation, she couldn't help but be mesmerized by Olivia with Noah.

Alex knew Olivia was a natural, but seeing her with him… She could have cried.

Noah took the plastic train engine in his hand and held it out to Alex.

"Cho cho".

Alex grinned. "Yes, that's your choo choo!"

"He wants to give it to you," Olivia said quietly watching.

"Is this for me?" Alex asked taking the train from Noah "Thank you, sweet boy!"

Olivia took note of the change in the octave of Alex's voice.

Of course, she had seen Alex around children in the past, but in their line of work, there usually wasn't the happy singsong voice she was talking to Noah in.

"I should put him to bed."

"I'll wait if you'll let me."

"Yeah" was all Olivia agreed.

Alex didn't ask, but she waited then followed behind, stopping at the doorway watching Olivia and Noah go through their nighttime routine.

A diaper change and hugs and kisses and cuddles.

Olivia paced the floor her fingers circling his back as his eyelids fluttered.

Alex memorized the dimly lit scene before her noting the way Olivia and Noah's form made a shadow against the wall from the night light.

Olivia placed Noah in his crib, watching over him, studying him as if to take note how he had grown that day.

Alex stepped back into the living room walking around noting the photos of Noah as a baby and how he had grown and how Olivia had changed.

In every picture of Noah and Olivia the smile on her face was devastatingly beautiful.

She was happy.

That's what she looked like happy.

"How do you know I didn't have plans?" Olivia asked, her arms crossed.

Alex turned a bit startled.

She had shed her blazer and now just the tasteful silk tank below remained.

Alex almost hoped that the fact she removed her jacket maybe meant she was removing a layer of armor.

"It's your birthday, you hate making birthday plans. I'm sure there is a glass of red wine and as you would have it, a Netflix episode with your name on it."

It was true

And God at that moment Olivia hated how true it was.

"Alex, what's your endgame?"

Alex shook her head, "there's no end game. All I have is my pride and all the guts I could muster. That's it."

"So what? You're in love with me? You want to be with me? You were hoping I was just waiting for you, that I too was hoping one day you would show up and sweep me off my feet?

"I was certain it wouldn't go that well."

"I have a son, I made lieutenant, Alex…" Olivia sounded as if she was pleading. "My life, it's good… I'm ok."

"He's beautiful, he actually seems perfect, and I'm so proud that you made lieutenant. You deserve to have that perfect baby boy and you've worked so hard…. and I understand you're ok. I look around and see the pictures of the two of you and I see that you're happy."

"Then why are you here?"

Alex's eyes went dim.

She realized the pain her presence was causing Olivia.

"Because I've wasted too much time. And it may sound dramatic or like a part in some fairytale, but I had to take the chance because nothing or no one will satisfy the way I feel for you, and the way I want you."

"Alex I néed you to go."

"Liv please."

"Just let me …." Olivia covered her mouth as if to stop herself and think. "I'll get in touch just, go ok."

Alex shook her head agreeing and showed herself to the door.

Alex turned around giving Olivia once last glance.

"I hope I didn't ruin your birthday, but I won't regret coming here and telling you I'm in love with you. Happy birthday Olivia."


	2. Chapter 2

**7/31/16 Updated timeline from 2 to 4 years since Olivia and Alex kissed on the sidewalk. Pre Noah, pre William Lewis.**

Ch.2

Almost 4 years ago on a Thursday night, they had met up for dinner.

Instead, they just had wine.

Deep conversations and laughter and the unspoken, but obvious flirtation between them.

A brush of her hair, a quick hand to her knee, fingertips pressing against forearms, little things, little touches, and gestures.

They were back in sync and standing on a street corner outside of the bar.

"Uh! Alex I've had too much wine." Olivia said as her head started to swim.

Alex just snickered.

"Did you just laugh at me being drunk?"

"I would never!" Alex grinned.

"You're drunk!"

"I am not!" Alex protested, "Ok… maybe a little."

It was Olivia's turn to grin.

"I'll walk you home." Olivia offered.

"And who will walk you home?"

Olivia rolled her eyes. "I'll take a cab I promise. I just want to walk with you and maybe try and sober a little too."

Olivia wasn't sure at that moment if there was any sobering when Alex was around.

"I like being on the same side of the city as you now," Alex said looping her arm inside Olivia's.

Olivia's breath caught just for a moment at Alex's gesture.

The touch of Alex's bare arm seared against Olivia's own skin.

"Yeah, it's at least a little easier to meet in the middle."

"You mean meet at our favorite bar!" Alex joked.

Olivia laughed.

They walked, Alex still held on to Olivia's arm with no intentions of letting go.

They turned the corner, nearing Alex's apartment.

Alex stopped and Olivia turned to Alex wondering why the sudden halt.

"Why did…"

Before Olivia could say anything else Alex leaned in, gently pressing her lips against Olivia's at first, but quickly turning into a passionate kiss between them both there on a strangely empty city street.

The Chemistry.

The something.

God, it was the something.

Olivia leaned in closer if it was even possible and Alex was clutching the hem of Olivia shirt to keep herself steady.

The taste of each other's lips and the feel of warm breath, Olivia's hand cupping Alex's neck, and Alex clinching Olivia's shirt wanting so badly to feel more skin.

Heaven, maybe if there was a Heaven, and this was it.

Alex pulled away, both of their chests heaving.

Neither could process what had just happened.

What finally had just happened.

Alex opened her mouth to speak.

But no words came.

"Alex?" Olivia said softly.

Alex took a step back looking at Olivia's swollen lips say her name.

Her eyes wide.

"Alex?" Olivia now posed her name as a question, not liking the sudden change in Alex's demeanor.

Alex shook her head no.

Sobering… Sobering

"I have to go."

"Alex… ok, it's ok. Just let me walk with you…" Olivia was confused.

"No, no, please go home. Ok? Just go home."

Alex immediately started walking in the direction they had previously been headed, towards her apartment.

Her head was down, she never looked back.

She only hoped Olivia wouldn't follow.

Olivia just stood there unable to comprehend finally kissing Alex and then watching her freak out, watching her walk hurriedly away.

The look in her eyes.

She was mortified, scared…

Olivia tried calling the next day, texting, eventually stopping by her apartment, by her office... She left a note.

No response.

Nothing.

The kiss that made Alex disappear from the Olivia life.

Aoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoa

Olivia seemed to stare into what was left of her glass of wine that sat on the coffee table in front of her.

Noah slept soundly, but there wasn't a chance Olivia would do the same.

Her mind occupied with Alex.

The all-consuming Alexandra Cabot.

Olivia chastised herself again for sitting there and thinking of her. Thinking about what happened earlier that night, about what happened the last time she and Alex were together.

The last time, 4 years ago, until tonight.

They were never together. Never lovers. Never in a relationship.

Their friendship had always been complicated.

From the day they had met, there was always something between them.

Whether they were at each other's throats, or the silent flirtation… there was something.

They danced around it, and sometimes each other for years.

But, they were nothing more than friends.

"I hope I didn't ruin your birthday, but I won't regret coming here and telling you I'm in love with you. Happy birthday Olivia."

Olivia clenched her eyes shut and then open them again as if trying to erase her thoughts or at least focus on anything else.

Noah, an open case, her to-do list… Anything.

God anything else.

Olivia took the last sip of wine and stood from the couch.

She made her way to the kitchen, sitting the wine glass in the sink.

Olivia replayed that night a million times as if she were trying to crack the case of what happened, where it went wrong.

The wine, the laughter, the walk home, the kiss, the look on Alex's face right before she told Olivia to just go home, and walked away.

All replayed a million times.

Olivia spotted the small rectangle shaped card sitting on the kitchen counter where she had left it after taking it from her pocket earlier that evening.

The words "I miss you" still glaring against the white paper.

She took in a deep nervous breath.

She did miss her, and despite everything, Olivia knew she had always been in love with Alex.


	3. Chapter 3

**7/31/16 Updated timeline from 2 to 4 years since Olivia and Alex kissed on the sidewalk. Pre Noah, pre William Lewis.**

Hi all, I hope I have your patience on this one. Just have a lot going on and why I started a story I have no idea! Bekka0405 and the rest who have checked in, thanks for the push... here's chapter 3! -M

Ch. 3

Alex slid further against the back of the tub, letting the sudsy water cover her to where only her bended knees appeared from out of the water.

She took a sip of bourbon and closed her eyes.

It took Olivia three days.

She was ready to talk.

Alex cautiously invited Olivia over to her apartment and Olivia agreed, both knowing their conversation would be best done privately.

Olivia needed to make sure Noah was tucked in, then she would come by.

When Alex left her office, she went straight home poured herself a bourbon on the rocks and filled her tub, hoping that would calm her nerves.

What was a dull ache Alex had learned to live with had been magnified the last three days.

She didn't lie. She didn't regret telling Olivia she was in love with her.

It was time.

For over the past four years Alex thought about the feel of Olivia soft perfect lips among other things… And she thought about the confused look on Olivia's face as she walked away from her.

It was Alex's fault.

She didn't answer Olivia's calls or emails or even the door, after the night they kissed.

Alex wasn't ready to tell the world she was in love with Olivia, but God why didn't she just tell Olivia?

She looked down at the chill bumps on her skin, and she stepped out of the tub. Olivia would be there in less than an hour.

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

Olivia had changed into a casual pair of jeans and a light gray v-neck sweater, she pulled on her heavy jacket, grabbing her purse.

"Lucy thanks for staying, I shouldn't be too late."

"No worries, we're fine. I'm sure I won't hear a peep from Noah and I'm finally getting to start this book I've been wanting to read."

Olivia smiled, "You know I appreciate you so much."

"I know," Lucy said returning the smiled.

Despite the cold winter air, Olivia decided to walk to Alex's apartment.

She wanted to clear her head, she wanted to at least have something on the tip of her tongue buy the time she got to Alex's apartment.

To say she was nervous about seeing Alex, and going to Alex's apartment would be an understatement.

Olivia thought about how she had changed the last four years. Her life, her job, her appearance. She wondered how Alex's life had changed.

Before Olivia knew it, she was standing in front of Alex's door.

"Hi," Alex said almost shyly, her body still hidden mostly hidden behind the front door.

"Hey."

"Come in," Alex said moving aside. "Let me get your coat."

Alex helped slide Olivia's coat from her shoulders.

When Olivia turned to look at her, Alex noticed Olivia's cheeks were rosy from the cold air.

"Olivia, you're freezing, did you walk here?"

"I needed the walk," was all Olivia explained.

Alex understood. She chose a bourbon and a bath.

"You look great," Alex said as she had already given Olivia the once over.

"So do you," Olivia said as her eyes grazed Alex's leggings and oversized sweater.

An oversized sweater that was slightly off of her right shoulder.

"Can I get you anything, something to drink? Maybe a glass of wine?" Alex offered.

"Wine gets us in trouble."

Alex smirked agreeing.

"I have bourbon… or tea."

"Bourbon."

Instead of waiting, Olivia followed Alex to the kitchen.

"Still, like it on the rocks?"

Alex had picked up drinking bourbon straight and on the rocks from Olivia.

Olivia shook her head yes, as her eyes wandered around the apartment.

"Your apartment looks great, you've done a lot."

"Yeah, I really like it here. It's a cozy little place."

"It's not so little Alex."

Alex let out a laugh before placing the glass of bourbon in front of Olivia.

"So I guess we should talk."

"Yeah we should." Olivia agreed.

"Couch?"

Olivia shook her head following Alex, sitting on the opposite end of the couch from her.

"I was relieved when I heard from you today. I gotta say confessing you're in love with someone really does a number on one's nerves."

"Yeah, sorry I just needed to let it all sink in."

"Don't apologize."

"I knew we needed to talk. I just wanted our conversation to not have me being angry."

"I don't want you to be angry with me anymore."

"I guess I just want to know at this point why you waited so long to come back to me, to tell me you're in love with me?"

"Trust me I asked myself that question a million times. And the truth is you're right, I was scared. Maybe I WAS scared that it messed up the Cabot fairytale, or maybe it was because I wasn't sure if I deserved you after all that I've put you through."

"Alex don't say things like you don't deserve me."

"Liv, you were everything to me. You were my best friend, my confidant. When I came back from Witness Protection and the Congo, I wanted to see you first, I missed you the most and you always let me back into your life. I'm a fool, Olivia. I have this pattern of walking away from you, not acting on my feeling for you. Walking away that night on the street was what did me in. I finally kissed you, with a little liquid courage, I finally kissed you and all my emotions just flooded through me. It felt so good and so right and it scared the shit out of me. I wasn't sure if I had just screwed up our friendship if I had just made a move on my best friends and she would hate…"

"Alex, I wanted you to kiss me."

"You did?"

"God, to be so brilliant, you're a little dense. I flirted with you endlessly. And the reason I always let you back in my life is because I hated when you weren't in my life. I always felt I was missing something and I realized it was just you that I was missing."

"It didn't scare you?"

"The only thing that scared me was exactly what happened. You walked away. Just like all the times before, I was in love with you and I had repressed my feelings for you… Then you kissed me and everything for that moment was perfect… and then it happened."

"You were in love with me and I fucked it up."

Alex had tears welling in her eyes.

"We just couldn't get it right."

"I want to get it right. I have to get it right. I've changed Olivia, not having you in my life changed me."

"What am I supposed to do Alex?"

"Forgive me. Let me try and make up for that night and the last four years, hell the whole time you've known me."

Olivia ran her hands through her hair.

"Alex I have a son now. We can't play the games we did before.

You can't come in my life and then disappear again. Noah wouldn't understand that and I can't do that anymore."

"I understand what I'm asking. I understand how this affects Noah too. Please know that I've always considered him."

Olivia looked at Alex and the stood from the couch.

She paced Alex's living room and Alex let her.

When she finally stopped Olivia looked at Alex and then looked away.

"You're the only person who can take me down. You're the only person who can break my heart, who has broken my heart. I don't think I can do that again."

Alex tried to wipe away the tears before she stood up facing Olivia.

"Please let me try and prove this to you. Please let me prove I'm the person you wanted me to be two years ago."

Olivia was nervously biting her bottom lip.

Then surprisingly Olivia shook her head yes.

"Yes? Yes?" Alex confirmed. "I promise Liv."

Olivia took a deep breath as Alex smiled as she wiped a stray tear that has fallen down Olivia's cheek.

"Can I kiss you? Alex asked making a step closer.

She watched Olivia's lips part.

Instead of Olivia protesting, this time, it was Olivia who took a step closer to Alex.

Alex didn't hesitate to kiss Olivia. Every ounce of chemistry that had run through them that night and all those nights before was right there.

Alex pulled back slightly, just enough to see Olivia's face.

"That was a damn good start."

Olivia was cautious, but couldn't help but agree.


	4. Chapter 4

**Wow, guys, it was absolutely so awesome to hear your responses to this story and how you're excited to get into it and see where it goes! It was also so great to hear from some familiar names out there, so glad you guys are still loving AO! :) -M**

Ch 4.

Olivia sat at her desk, behind her closed office door.

Her dark rimmed glasses focused on the files in front of her.

This had been her afternoon.

Her cell rang breaking her concentration.

"Benson?"

"I know you haven't erased my name from your phone. At least not yet."

Olivia smiled.

"Alex, hey, sorry I was mid-paragraph."

"I didn't mean to interrupt you."

"Oh no, I'm glad to hear from you. I'm glad you actually called!"

"What do you mean? I told you I would…"

"Well, we kissed the other night so I figured you were halfway to…"

"Haha Olivia Benson! NOT funny!"

Olivia laughed.

"Wow, just wow! I was going to ask you out, but I'm not so sure…"

Olivia was still laughing.

"Olivia!"

"Oh God I needed that," Olivia said trying to calm herself.

"You're incorrigible today!"

Olivia couldn't see the grin on Alex's face, but she was pretty sure it was there.

"Well, I actually would love to take you to this little Dim Sum place I found on the East Side tonight."

Alex listened to Olivia's silence.

"I would love to have dinner with you, I really would. But I can't tonight. Noah had a bit of a fever this morning and couldn't go to daycare, and his temp is back to normal, but Lucy's been with him all day. I need to stay in with him."

"I glad to hear he's ok, and I certainly don't want to impose, especially if Noah needs his mama time, but I could bring dinner over. What's best for Noah? What does he…"

"Alex, Alex you don't have to go to the trouble of doing that."

"Liv, can I be honest?"

"Of course."

"The thought of spending another Friday night without you seems absolutely intolerable. And pizza, bedtime stories, and hopefully some snuggles sounds pretty amazing."

"Now who's incorrigible?"

"Just the truth Lieutenant."

Olivia caught herself smiling again.

"Well, you are welcome to spend Friday night with Noah and I."

"It's settled then. I'll pick up dinner and text you when I'm on my way to your apartment."

"Sounds like a plan."

"Ok, see you then."

Alex left it at that. Olivia letting her come over was a step in the right direction. She wouldn't ask for anything more, and she would do her best to make it a great night in.

Now, what exactly does a 3-year-old eat?

aoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoao

Alex texted as promised that she was on her way.

Olivia had just enough time to give Noah an early bath, hoping he wouldn't need another after dinner.

Olivia's buzzer went off and she let Alex into her building.

Olivia remembered a time when she would unlock the door, even leave it partially open while she waited for her guests to arrive at her door.

Now, she would check the triple locked door several times when she was at home just to confirm they were locked as if now she would now ever forget to.

When Alex knocked on the door Olivia opened it, Alex stood there with a bouquet of multicolored roses.

"For you," was all she said, holding them out to Olivia.

"They're beautiful, thank you!"

Alex grinned, satisfied by the look on Olivia's face.

Olivia leaned in giving Alex an unexpected kiss to the side of her mouth.

"Oh my gosh! Alex!" Olivia said now seeing the amount of stuff she had carried, and that was now sitting all at her feet.

Olivia took the larger bag in her empty hand and Alex followed her inside.

They sat everything down on the kitchen counter as Alex took off her coat and gathered herself.

Olivia looked for a vase to put the flowers in, "Alex you didn't have to do all of this!"

"Yes, I did. I'm so happy to be spending my Friday night with the two of you," she said looking over to an occupied Noah.

"I think you're going to spoil us."

"I hope so. And I will get dinner ready for us, but first I have Noah a little something as well, I hope that's okay."

"Alex! You didn't…"

Alex held her hand up stopping Olivia.

"It's just a little something."

Those deep blue eyes shimmering with almost an excitement to Olivia.

Olivia nodded her head, "yes of course."

"Hey Noah, I have a surprise for you! Do you want to see what it is?"

Noah quickly abandoned what he was doing and made his way to Alex. He looked up at her curiously, then eyeing the red bag now in her hand.

Alex bent down to Noah.

"Ok handsome, see what's in there!"

Noah reached down in the bag pulling out his new toy.

His eyes lit up.

"Ohhh!" Noah said holding up the train car to his mama.

"A new choo choo train!" Olivia said, now bent down beside Alex and Noah.

"I hope he doesn't have this one?"

"He doesn't, and you've made his night! Noah, can you say thank you?"

"Tank yoo!" Noah said as a grin plastered his face.

"Would you mind keeping an eye on Noah for a few minutes while I go change?

"Of course, go, and I'll sort out dinner."

"Ok, I'll be quick."

"Liv, we're fine!"

Olivia finally had a chance to change into something more comfortable. When she came back to the living room the food was still bagged on the counter and Alex was on the floor with Noah.

Olivia could help but smile seeing a 3-year-old have Alexandra Cabot wrapped around his finger.

Alex on the floor with Noah looked up.

"I think he likes his train."

"I think he likes you."

Alex grinned.

"Ok. what do we have in the bag I'm starving!"

Alex stood up, but not before giving Noah a little tickle.

"I got Penne pasta and green beans for the man of the house, and Goat Cheese Tortelloni, Rosemary, Lemon Chicken, vegetables and of course red wine for us.

"Alex this is a feast! How did you have time to do all of this?"

"Quick thinking. Ok, and my assistant helped order the food while I ran to get the flowers and to the toy shop."

Olivia shook her head, "you really outdid yourself."

"Well, I glad you think so, now let's eat!"

Alex took things to the table and Olivia opened the wine, pouring them both a glass before saddling Noah up to the table.

"Ok bud, let's try and keep this on the plate ok?" Olivia said wishful thinking.

Noah of course, kept their attention, and they talked about their day as if it was just dinner like yesterday or the day before.

Alex caught Olivia grinning at her.

"What?"

"You."

"Me?"

"I loved the old you, but now you seem, different," Olivia said sincerely.

"I do? Different how?"

"You're sitting here with me and my 3-year-old, in converse and your hair in a ponytail. I would say this is not YOUR typical Friday night."

"I think this is just me happy. Me, finally getting to be with the two of you."

Olivia bit her bottom lip.

Alex knew she did that when she was nervous.

She hoped it was a good nervous.

"Liv, you ok?"

Olivia looked over at Noah, pasta sauce cheek to cheek.

"It just seems a little surreal, like is this really happening? Are you really here with us?"

Alex reached over grabbing Olivia's hand in hers.

"Trust me I've asked myself that a hundred times in the last couple of days."

Lex! Noah squealed interrupting them.

"Yes! Lex!" Alex beamed, surprised her had learned her name.

"Not much intimate conversation allowed with this guy around." Olivia laughed.

"I don't mind that at all." Alex grinned

"Noah how about we get cleaned up, and ready for bed. And Alex you and I can have some adult time?" Olivia winked.

"I'll clean up here, maybe I could join you guys for the bedtime story?"

"Sure, we'll even let you pick the book won't we Noah?"

aoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaaoa

"Ok Lex," Alex heard Olivia say her name, the name Noah had given her as they both appeared from Noah's bedroom. "Story time! Noah show Alex your books so she can choose what we're going to read."

Noah reached for Alex, guiding her towards a stack of already well-read books.

Alex looked back to Olivia grinning.

"Ah, shall we go with the classic Goodnight Moon? Noah, what do you think?"

Noah nodded and reached for the book and made his way to the couch, climbing up, not elegantly as Olivia let him, "do it himself".

Alex sat down on the couch, Noah in his dinosaur PJ's, sat snuggled between them.

"Alex, will you read us, Goodnight Moon?" Olivia said with a quick smile.

Alex opened the book and began reading.

"In the great green room There was a telephone And a red balloon

And a picture of-

The cow jumping over the moon

And there were three little bears…"

Noah's wide eyes slowly drifted shut before Alex could read, "Goodnight noises everywhere."

Olivia reached over to Alex tucking away stray pieces of blonde hair behind her ear.

Alex then took Olivia's hand letting her drag her fingers down her neck holding her palm against her heart.

They both seemed to revel in the moment, then realizing Noah was still in between them.

"I'll be right back" Olivia whispered as she gathered Noah into her arms.

Alex nodded and as she watched Olivia carry Noah to his room.

She poured she and Olivia another glass of wine and waited for her back on the couch.

"Thank you for being so great to Noah," Olivia said, now joining Alex on the couch. "Thank you for tonight."

"It's been a pretty great night if I do say so myself. And I'm pretty smitten with that kid of yours."

"He has that effect on hot blondes." Olivia teased.

"So does his mama."

Alex reached over, her hand resting on Olivia's knee.

"I know you're feeling a bit gun shy and I know you even allowing me to be here with you and Noah tonight was not just something you would let anyone do. I get you want to be cautious of who you bring around Noah. And I don't want you to think that I'm going too fast, but God being here with you all I want to do is talk to you and touch you and…

Olivia leaned in kissing Alex softly.

"I'm a big girl Alex. I make my own decisions and I told you I wanted this."

"I'm not going too fast?"

Olivia shook her head no

Alex leaned in kissing Olivia again, moving in closer.

"You can tell me when to stop."

"Shut up Alex."

Alex did, and this time their kiss more passionate than before.

That night they made out on the couch. They let simple touches to once forbidden skin, send goosebumps, and that feeling of excitement. They reveled in being together and this time knowing what they wanted, and rekindling what they had started and tried to ignore so many years ago.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys, not a very long chapter, but just moving things along :) -M**

Ch. 5

Noah sat under Olivia's desk pushing his matchbox cars around Olivia's feet.

It had been a hard week.

The team had been hit hard by their latest case and, as usual Olivia took the brunt of it.

By Thursday evening the team had been beaten down and beyond tired.

Olivia was working late again tonight. She had sent everyone else home insisting on getting some sleep.

She had canceled on Alex twice.

And she couldn't stand to be away from Noah another night, hints him playing cars under her desk.

Olivia had a childhood memory of playing under her mother's desk at her office at the university.

Olivia would promise to be quiet and entertain herself if she could just go to the office with her mother.

She looked down a Noah and he looked up at her.

"Hi Mama!" He said waving his car in the air.

"You havin' fun under there?"

"Underda bwidge Mama."

"You're driving under the bridge? That's fun!l

Olivia adored his imagination and was thankful it was the simple things that would occupy him.

And was thankful he had no inkling of the things his mother dealt with on a daily basis.

Olivia's life had changed immensely in the last 4 years.

She was sitting in her office as a Lieutenant, her son was playing at her feet...

Everything that got her there.

The hard work, even the heartache that got her there.

Losing her mother, losing Elliot as a partner…. William Lewis.

She had a lot to be guarded about.

She chastised herself about getting over things, but there was a lot to get over.

Then there was Alex.

In the last few weeks, Olivia had tried her best, to be honest with herself.

Alex was someone she didn't want to get over.

Jumping in with Alex wasn't as easy as she had let on, but she was tired of holding back.

Olivia had had a few relationships over the years and more than a few first dates… None of them compared in the way she felt about Alex and how she felt when she was with her.

Olivia knew over the years whether pleasuring herself or in bed with someone else, she from time to time Alex would pop into her fantasies.

Olivia has learned to forgive herself for fantasizing about Alex and did chalk it up to regret.

Olivia honestly regretted never having the opportunity to be with the brilliant blonde.

Alex showing up in her apartment, telling her she was in love with her was Olivia's chance to rid herself of that regret.

Of Alex's regrets.

They were finally on the same page.

Of course, she was cautious because she had Noah to think about. Noah was her number one priority.

And her heart was cautious.

But she couldn't help but be optimistic, she couldn't help but want Alex back in her life and this time in her bed.

"Noah come to mama."

Noah ducked out from between her legs and Olivia lifted him onto the edge of her desk.

She pushed his hair to the side with her fingers.

"Hey, I have a question for you," Olivia said getting Noah's attention. "What do you think about my friend Alex?"

Olivia knew she was asking the opinion of her 3-year-old son.

"Lex?"

"Yes, Lex." Olivia grinned again at his name for Alex. "Do you like Lex?"

"She brings me cho cho's."

"She did! And she brought us dinner."

"Sghetti!"

"Yes, spaghetti. What do you think about us calling Alex and asking her to join us for dinner? How about Pizza?

"Yeah, pissa."

"So we should call her?"

Noah was now preoccupied with his mother's necklace.

"We call her." Noah confirmed shaking his head.

Olivia kissed her son, making him giggle.

"Ok, let's call her."

Olivia picked up her phone, Alex picking up on the second ring.

"Liv."

"Hi.

A smile appearing on both of their faces.

"Hows your evening?"

"Decided to work late, but I'm about to call it quits. I can't stare at the computer anymore." Alex confessed.

"I know what you mean. Noah and I are at my office and we were wondering if you were up for a late dinner?"

"I would love that!"

"We were just thinking of grabbing a slice of pizza. Would that be ok?"

"Sounds perfect! Meet you in 45?"

"We'll see you then."

Olivia knew it wasn't the most romantic gesture of the 3 of them having a few pizza slices especially since she and Alex hadn't even really had a chance to go out just the two of them. But Olivia was hoping to change that, she also was testing Alex a bit to make sure she could handle having Noah as a part of her life, their life.

Both still dressed in their work attire, an hour later, they sat in the window at a tiny pizza shop at the edge of the West Village.

A couple of slices, two diet cokes and an apple juice...

"He loves pizza! A true New Yorker!" Alex said as Noah held the end of a slice as wide as is head to his mouth.

Olivia laughed, "we're definitely no strangers to pizza are we, Noah?"

Olivia then looked to Alex, a more serious look on her face.

"Thanks for having pizza with us last minute tonight, and I'm sorry I bailed on you twice this week.

"Liv, never, ever feel like you have to apologize to me for having to do your job. I know how important and valuable you are. And as I told you the other night, any chance I get to be with you and Noah I'll take it."

Alex genuinely smiled, truly satisfied being there with them.

"Well I'm trying to wrap up this case, so I'm not sure how tomorrow night will go, but if you're available Saturday, I checked with Lucy and she can stay with Noah. I was hoping we could go on a real date, the two of us."

"I would love to go out on an official date with you."

Olivia grinned.

"Maybe we could try that Dim Sum place you wanted to take me to or I know a great Thai place on Christopher."

Alex reached over taking Olivia's palm into hers.

"Saturday can't come fast enough."

Olivia ran her thumb across the back of Alex's hand. "No, it can't."


	6. Chapter 6

Um yeah, this is where the M rating comes in. ;) -M

Ch.6

Olivia draped her coat over her arm, then shuffled the two thin gold bracelets around her wrist.

She certainly had a different kind of nervousness waiting for Alex to answer the door this time than she did a few weeks ago.

If their make out session was any indication to how their "date" night would go tonight, Olivia had already planned waking up in Alex's bed tomorrow.

Alex opened the door in a red silk maxi dress with a split dangerously high, and perfectly matching red lips.

"Wow!" Olivia said taking Alex in.

"I should be the one saying wow," Alex said, eying Olivia head to toe in her winter white pants and matching jacket.

Instead of moving to the side to invite Olivia in, she placed her hand inside of Olivia's jacket, feeling the thin monochromatic silk shirt below, then resting at at the curve of Olivia's hip.

Intentionally touching Olivia intimately, Alex then guided Olivia into her apartment.

"I have to say the anticipation of seeing you tonight has about driven me crazy. But seeing you now, the wait was worth it." Alex said, this time placing both hands on Olivia's hips.

Olivia blushed at the compliment.

"Well, I'm having a hard time accepting the fact I have to get through dinner with you in that red dress, with those red lips. You're so beautiful."

Now it was Alex's turn to blush as Olivia slid her fingers down Alex's bare arm.

"I should um get my purse, or we'll never make it out of here!"

As they walked to the restaurant, Olivia leaned into Alex.

"Do you mind if I hold your hand?"

Alex grinned, "why would I ever mind?"

"I just wasn't sure if you were comfortable with public displays of affection."

Was Alex comfortable with a woman holding her hand in public?

Alex stopped in the middle of the sidewalk looking at Olivia.

Alex put her hand at the nape of Olivia's neck and leaned in kissing her softly, lingering just a few seconds longer as people passed by.

When she pulled away she grinned with a look of satisfaction and seeing a surprised and melting Olivia.

"I hope that answers your question?"

Olivia let out a breathy laugh, "it does, it definitely does."

Alex intertwined her fingers with Olivia's and began walking again towards their destination.

"You kiss even better than I remember," Olivia said into Alex's ear.

"Trust me, you haven't felt anything yet."

Olivia could have stumbled, thank God Alex held on to her.

They ordered drinks, and ordered small plates from the menu. Eating at leisure, offering a bite or a sip of the others cocktail.

Their conversations were light and flirty.

Definitely flirty.

No work conversation, no priorities or have to's.

They would linger with each other's touch, and their legs would more than occasionally graze the others.

They walked from the restaurant arm and arm.

"Should we check in with Lucy?"

Olivia smiled of Alex thinking of Noah and her use of the word "we".

"He's sound asleep. I actually texted her when you went to the restroom."

"Ah, ok good. So what time do you have to be home?"

"I don't."

Alex grinned.

"You wanna get a drink?"

At your apartment? Olivia asked, smiling with her bottom lip between her teeth.

Alex lowered her voice, "we should get a cab."

Back at Alex's apartment, they both shed their jackets and Alex immediately discarding her shoes.

"What?" Alex asked catching Olivia staring at her.

"You look stunning in that dress, but all I want you to do is take it off of you."

Alex walked towards Olivia.

"I take it we should we skip the drinks?"

"No drinks. I wanna make sure I feel everything you promised earlier."

Alex grinned devilishly, taking Olivia's hand, leading her towards the bedroom.

She then stood on her tiptoes and kissed Olivia.

She pulled Olivia's suit jacket from her shoulders, revealing the thin sleeveless silk shirt and the hint of her bra below.

"Loose the heels," Alex demanded.

"What? I was for once taller than you!" Olivia teased as she took her shoes off and they returned to their normal height difference.

"Better," Alex said kissing Olivia again.

She then turned away, pulling her hair to the side. "Unzip me."

Olivia did as she was told, spying the lacy black bra.

Alex pulled her dress from her shoulders and let her dress drop to the floor into a red puddle.

She now stood in front of Olivia, with her model like body in a black lace bra and matching thong.

"Fuck," was all that came from Olivia's lips.

"Like what you see Lieutenant?"

"You're the sexiest woman I've ever seen."

Smiling, Alex walked towards Olivia, putting her palms on each of Olivia's shoulders.

Olivia reached to touch her. Her fingers running between her separated breast to her bellybutton to the edge of the lace of her panties.

Alex shifted even closer obviously relishing in Olivia touch.

Alex's right hand had moved to Olivia's hair.

She kissed Olivia once again, perfect red lips be damned.

"I've wanted you for so long," Alex whispered. "I've wanted to stand here in front of you like this. You're eyes on me… I crave you touching me."

Another kiss.

"And do you know what else I've wanted? What I've needed?"

Alex reached to undo Olivia pants.

Kissing her once again, Alex's hands slid to Olivia's waist and then tugged at Olivia's shirt only breaking her kiss to pull the shirt over her head.

Alex pushed Olivia's pants down her strong tanned thighs, breathing in her scent as she did.

Alex looked at Olivia.

The matching sheer, bra and panties left nothing to the imagination.

Her body, her breast, her sex.

This was Olivia.

"Jesus Christ."

Olivia's eyes opened wide, looking at Alex.

"Oh god…" Olivia said pulling away. " Alex, I should have warned you."

Olivia covered herself shyly.

"What! What? Warned me about what?"

"My body, the scars, I should have told you. Warned you what I looked like."

The look on Olivia's face was heartbreaking.

"Olivia! No! You're so beautiful! You're breathtaking. My remark was because your body, your curves, my God you're perfection."

"Alex…"

"Absolute and utter perfection," Alex assured her.

Alex's fingers went to the bare peaks of Olivia's breasts.

Scars marked her skin, a map that reminded them both where Olivia had been.

Alex kissed Olivia's skin tracing the edge of her bra.

Alex reached around undoing Olivia's bra freeing her breasts.

Her lips immediately went to Olivia's dark nipples, Alex's hands deliberately running over the faded red scars William Lewis had produced.

If Olivia wanted to tell Alex she could, but tonight Alex wouldn't allow her to apologize, or feel self-conscious about her body, her scars, the beauty of how brave and resilient she was.

Alex walked Olivia to her bed.

Olivia, now lying there, was suddenly lost in Alex's lips on her skin.

Her olive skin, soft and the subtle smell of soap.

Alex kissed further down Olivia's body

"I've wanted to taste you for so long," Alex said now hovering just above Olivia's lower lips.

Alex spread Olivia legs wider placing kisses from her knees down to her deep inner thighs.

Teasing.

Alex was amazed herself of her patience, but wanting so desperately to do it right.

She had spent so much time thinking about making love to Olivia.

Alex's mouth sank down on Olivia's clit and her tongue began to move back and forth between Olivia's wet folds.

Alex's eyes were fixated on Olivia, making sure she watched her go down on her.

"Allllllex."

Olivia's head tilted back, her voice low and deep.

Alex kneaded Olivia's breast, her new obsession.

She licked and lapped as Olivia groaned, and gripped Alex's long blonde hair between her fingers.

"Alex I can't.. oh… I can't wait…"

"Cum for me, Olivia cum for me!"

Olivia's body soon shattered. Alex still steady between Olivia's' legs until Olivia had to push her away.

Begging for mercy.

Alex grinned, once again kissing her thighs, letting Olivia revel in the orgasm she just had.

Olivia pulled Alex to her lips, kissing her passionately.

"That's was amazing."

Olivia reached, undoing Alex's bra, immediately palming her breasts.

Then, flipping Alex over and onto the mattress.

It was Alex's turn to feel Olivia's lips on her skin.

Alex was certain she would cum just by the way Olivia was kissing her skin, her neck, her breasts, her ribs, her belly, her hip bones…

Fuck.

As Olivia kissed down her body, Olivia's own breasts drug along Alex's body. God, Alex loved the feel of her hard nipples and the weight of her breasts against her.

Olivia reached between Alex's legs delighted at how wet, no, how soaked her panties were.

Olivia was making her squirm.

Olivia looped her hands inside the lacy band of Alex thong, dragging the tips of her finger down Alex's hips, down her thighs discarding her panties to the floor.

Olivia dipped one finger between Alex's folds, then another instantly coating both fingers as she gently drug her finger back and forth.

Olivia's fingers circled Alex's clit steadily.

Alex moaned with satisfaction.

Olivia then instructed Alex to the edge of the bed.

Olivia down on her knees continued her message of Alex clit.

Then, Alex felt Olivia's tongue slide into her.

"Oh God, Liv, oh God,"

Olivia slid in out of Alex with her tongue, while rubbing her clit until Alex climaxed, letting out a scream she was certain the neighbours heard.

Olivia climbed back in bed,sweat beaded their now salty skin.

Alex laughed.

She laughed out loud.

I think this is euphoria.

Olivia snickered but agreed.

"I so angry I'm just now having sex with you, but I'm certain it was worth all these years because that was…"

"Incredible." Olivia said finishing Alex's sentiment.

"So incredible."

Alex found the sheet and pulled it against them.

She melded her body perfectly against Olivia's.

Fitting together as if they were each other's missing puzzle piece.

"I could stay here forever," Olivia said contently, as she stroked Alex's hair.

"And I would stay right here with you."

They soon drifted off to sleep. Making love to each other no longer a dream.


	7. Chapter 7

I write most of the time with no real plan. One chapter writes the next. I have mentioned before your reactions to things dictate, or at least sparks what comes next. Thanks for your reviews and messages, I appreciate what you think! -M

Ch. 7

Olivia's internal clock woke up at 10 till 7.

A ridiculous time for a Sunday morning.

She also knew her internal clock was set to Noah's sleeping habits.

He would be awake soon.

Olivia looked over to Alex lying next to her.

Her bare back, perfect pale skin.

She lay on her stomach, her arms tucked beside her.

Visions of last night danced in Olivia's head.

Being with Alex was all that she had hoped it would be.

It was sensual and sexy, it was nothing less than perfect.

Leaving her own covers behind, Olivia leaned into Alex, kissing from the nape of her neck, down her spine.

Olivia could feel Alex take a deep, but lazy breath in and out.

When Olivia looked up, she saw the grin on Alex's face.

"Good morning," Olivia said, now back beside her.

"Great morning," Alex said now turning to face Olivia.

Alex's hands immediately went to Olivia's breasts.

"I'm in love."

Olivia let out a laugh.

"With by breasts or me!"

Alex leaned up kissing Olivia.

"Can't it be both?"

Olivia rolled her eyes.

Alex then snuggled closer against her.

"Last night."

"Yeah. last night."

"It was perfect."

"Worth the wait?"

Alex twisted the end of Olivia's hair around her finger, "definitely worth the wait."

They kissed again and lay there for a few more minutes in silence until Alex felt Olivia let out a sigh.

"I have to go. Noah."

Alex looked up at Olivia.

"Of course, of course."

Alex couldn't beg her to stay, Noah was the priority and she had already had her to herself all night.

Alex knew he would be missing his mama this morning.

"Do you have something I can wear home?"

Alex sat up, pulling herself completely from under the sheet.

She crawled on to of Olivia in all of her nakedness and not an ounce of shyness.

Alex leaned in close, "of course, I do baby."

Baby?

God, she just called her baby.

Alex got out of bed and Olivia watched as Alex grabbed her robe.

The missing warmth of their bodies together suddenly very obvious to both of them.

"Fleece lined leggings and a sweatshirt?"

"That would be perfect."

Alex disappeared into her closet as Olivia climbed out of bed.

Olivia found her bra discarded not too far from the bed. But her panties were nowhere to be found.

"Alex, have you seen my panties anywhere?"

"You mean these?" Alex asked holding up the sheer fabric completely across the room.

"Yeah those," Olivia said as she went to retrieve them.

Alex pulled her hand back holding Olivia's panties behind her.

"Kiss first, then panties." she teased.

"Seems fair," Olivia said, kissing Alex softly, but the sucking Alex's bottom lip between her lips.

"You slay me, Benson."

Olivia grinned.

"Panties Cabot."

Alex grinned and handed them over.

Olivia got dressed, now donning Alex's worn Harvard sweatshirt.

Alex looked at her satisfied that she was wearing her sweatshirt. "College fantasy," Alex remarked.

Olivia snickered.

"Converse or Nikes?"

They wore the same size shoe.

They had known that for years and had even once or twice borrowed a pair of heels.

"Nikes please."

Olivia now sat on the edge of the bed, putting on Alex's shoes.

"Liv?"

"Hmm?

"Blueberry Bagels?

"What?"

"Does Noah eat blueberry bagels?"

Olivia grinned, "Yeah he does."

"I'll get bagels, and coffee if that's ok?"

Olivia stood from the side of the bed, pulling Alex towards her.

"I like blueberry too."

"3 blueberries it is."

Olivia kissed Alex, this time, more passionately. For now, this was their goodbye kiss.

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO

"Lex!" Noah ran towards Alex.

"Hi, sweetheart!"

"You bring us boogberry bagel?"

"I sure did!" Alex handed Noah the bag. "Can you carry this to the kitchen for me?"

Noah shook his head yes, taking the bag with both hands.

Olivia fresh-faced, her hair still a bit damp from the shower. Olivia had but Alex's sweatshirt back on.

"Wow, you got more beautiful."

Alex said greeting her with a kiss, hoping that it was ok to kiss her in front of Noah.

Olivia blushed.

Alex loved to make her blush.

"It's freezing outside!" Alex said now taking off her coat and hat.

"I know much colder than last night. Let's warm you up before we eat." Olivia suggested wrapping her arms around Alex.

Olivia kissed her.

Guess she didn't mind Noah seeing them kiss.

"A little better?"

"So much better," Alex grinned.

"How about we have breakfast on the coffee table? That way we can get under the blanket and Noah can watch cartoons."

"I like this plan," Alex said taking their coffees to the coffee table.

"Noah, milk or apple juice?"

"Judce Mama."

Olivia fixed his juice in his sippy cup and then sat down next to Alex on the couch. Olivia handed Noah half of a bagel for him to chew on.

"Noah, can you thank Lex for bringing us breakfast?"

"Tanks Lex!"

"You very welcome sweet boy."

Olivia held her coffee and one hand, the other hand had rested on Alex's thigh.

Alex liked Olivia's hand on her thigh.

Alex broke off a piece of her bagel, holding it near Olivia's lips.

Olivia smiled taking into her mouth.

"You're comfortable being with me around Noah?"

Olivia looked at Noah who was fixated on his cartoon.

"Alex, I want Noah to see that I'm happy and that I'm comfortable, and love having you here in our home. I think it makes him comfortable. And as far as him seeing us being affectionate with each other, I want Noah to know that you are special, that you're not just a visitor, that it's more. I wouldn't be snuggling here on the couch with you or asking you to dinner with Noah and I if I didn't have plans for you to be a fixture in our lives."

Alex grinned, then leaned in to give a lingering kiss to Olivia.

"That means everything to me."

"It does to me too."

"And we're affectionate in this house, we hug and kiss all the time and I think if Noah learns that type of warmth and security here, he'll be warm and open to other people."

"I obviously have never raised a kid, but how did you learn all of this?

"Go with your gut. Sometimes you screw up. Sometimes you get it right, right away."

"You seem to be getting a lot right, he's an amazing kid."

"Well, I'm a bit biased, but he is a pretty amazing kid."

Alex moved closer to Olivia leaning her head on her shoulder sitting in silence watching Noah.

Noah's cartoon ended and he looked to them. "'Nother Mama?"

"Ok one more, then you go play ok?"

Noah then climbed between them on the couch.

"Hope you don't mind?" Olivia asked grinning at how Noah had made himself comfortable in what little space was between them.

Alex looked down at Noah and then reached to Olivia, her hand to the back of her head.

Yes, she was ok with it.

Noah's eyes drooped by the end of the cartoon.

Olivia agreed to let him watch more cartoons knowing his belly was full and nap time would come soon enough.

"Let me go and put him down for his nap. I'll be right back."

Alex had opened the Sunday times and was deep into a paragraph when Olivia came back to the couch.

Olivia leaned in tugging the lobe of Alex's ear between her teeth.

Alex grinned, "Hey! I'm trying to read."

"Oh! I'm sorry." Olivia said playfully as she went to walk away.

"Oh no, you don't! You don't get to do that then walk away. Come here!"

Olivia sat back down on the couch and Alex climbed on top, straddling her.

"I love this sweatshirt on you," Alex said, running her hands under the sweatshirt, over Olivia's ribcage, to her bare breasts,

They began kissing and Alex then slid her hand under Olivia's lounge pants and her panties.

"Ohh Alex," Olivia whispered, letting out a hitched breath.

"You're already wet."

"Well, you are on top of me."

Alex grinned as she ran her fingers rhythmically against Olivia clit wanting her to come against her fingers.

Olivia held on to Alex's hips.

"Please don't stop, please don't…" Olivia said trying to keep her voice low.

Olivia moved with Alex's rhythm, lost in the sensations.

Alex's eyes never left Olivia's.

Olivia's body trembled against Alex's hand until Alex pulled out from under her pants.

A lazy grin appeared on Olivia's face.

"Sorry, I just couldn't help myself."

Olivia laughed, then pulled Alex to her, kissing her once again.

They sat in silence for a moment, Alex still on Olivia's lap, Olivia cupped Alex's thighs, holding her against her.

Alex swiped a strand of hair from Olivia's face.

"Liv?"

"Yeah?'

"Can I ask you something, kind of…"

"Alex? What?"

"Have you um, slept with other women?"

"Oh no! I'm just that good!" Olivia joked.

Alex rolled her eyes.

"I'm serious Liv!"

"Yes, I have. I slept with a friend, who happened to be a woman on and off when I was a beat cop, but I hadn't been with a woman since. Then after Lewis happened, and then Brian and I broke up. I made friends with a bartender, we hit it off, she didn't care about my physical or mental scars. Or at least she didn't judge me for them. Or the whiskey on my breath.

"How long did that last?"

"We only slept together a few times. She was an escape for me. She and I both knew that. Occasionally I'd stop in after work and have a drink at the bar… we're still friends."

"Have you ever thought you were gay?"

" Sure I questioned it when I was in my 20's especially since I kept hooking up with a woman, but I dated men, I enjoyed sleeping with men. And truthfully, I like being with men and I like being with women."

"So you consider yourself bisexual?"

"Sure. As I got older I never felt the need to label it. I keep my private life private, so I've never really needed to explain to anyone my sexuality."

"Oh come on! Olivia Benson, at least in my day around that squad room you gave off a sexual vibe to anyone and everyone that breathed."

Olivia's eyes widened, "I did not!"

"I guess you know nothing about the "Benson swagger?"

"God Alex!"

Olivia laughed all knowing.

"So what about you? You don't seem so inexperienced yourself." Olivia teased. "I mean after last night, that couldn't have been your first time with a woman. Not to say you aren't naturally gifted, but Jesus Alex, that mouth of yours, you've perfected…"

Alex snickered, "well thank you. I'll take the compliment, and yes I've been with another woman."

"When? I only knew you to date men."

Alex straightened her back. "After the night you and I kissed, I told you I became an emotional mess. Kissing you brought out this feeling that I had never felt. Maybe it was chemistry or love, maybe it was lust and satisfaction. I had dated and slept with men, but It didn't feel the way I felt just kissing you and it definitely didn't feel the way it felt when I was alone thinking of you."

Alex got off of Olivia's lap, now sitting forward, facing her.

"Then about a year after I kissed you, I met Sydney. She was my first real experience with a woman. She was great, and patient. She helped answer a lot of questions about my sexuality. About the way I had always felt, and how uncomfortable I was when it can to having sex with men.

"Alex, are you telling me you're gay?"

"I telling you the last person I slept with and was in a relationship with, was a woman. And that I enjoy sleeping with women, and I don't so much enjoy sleeping with men. So yes, I guess that makes me gay. So, it turns out I have always been in love with you and guess what, I've always wanted to have sex with you!" And you Olivia Benson are definitely a woman!"

Olivia snickered at the compliment.

"So how long were you with Sydney?"

"Until about a year ago."

"Can I asked what happened?"

"She wasn't you."

"Alex."

"She wasn't. I would have sex with her, and I kept putting you in her place. It wasn't fair. She was great in bed, smart, beautiful… She never compared to you, and she knew it. And eventually, it's what broke us up."

"I broke you up?"

"Technically."

"So she knows about me, who I am?"

"She knows your name is Olivia, and that you were a Detective at SVU when I was ADA."

"Where is Sydney now?"

"LA I think. At least when she packed her bags that's where she was headed. She was a photographer, LA was her home base…"

"Do you miss her?"

"Liv."

"Can you blame me for asking?"

"I hate it ended the way it did. It was a great relationship until it wasn't. I'm grateful that she helped me realize who I am. She helped me understand what I wanted. But she knew, and I knew she wasn't you, and in the end, I couldn't apologize for that."

"Wow."

"Wow?"

"I'm just… absorbing I guess."

Alex leaned in her palm resting at Olivia's jaw line. "Liv, it was what I needed to realize what I wanted, what I needed, and that you. Alex then traced her thumb across Olivia's lips. "She wasn't a pawn, she has a place in my heart for being the person I needed at the time. You understand that?"

"Of course, I do. I guess I should be grateful to her for making you feel comfortable in your own skin, for being there for you when I wasn't."

"I know you Liv, you would have always been there for me. I just didn't know what I needed. I'm glad I got all of my mixed feeling and uncertainties out of the way before I came back to you before I would be in Noah's life."

Olivia leaned in kissing Alex softly.

"I am glad you came back to me."

"And I'm glad you let me back in."


	8. Chapter 8

Ch. 8

One last flick of her tongue and Alex gripped Olivia's hair tighter, her other hand gripping the pillow below her.

Her legs shook against Olivia's shoulders.

Olivia slithered her way out from under the sheets, kissing her way up, while Alex was coming down.

Alex brushed Olivia's wild silky hair from her face.

Olivia grinned.

Alex was learning to stifle her moans and screams knowing that a 3 year old was sound asleep, across the hall.

Alex reached for Olivia kissing her, tasting herself on her lips.

"Baby, that was so good." Alex whispered.

Now a habit of calling her baby.

They now kissed more intensely and Alex maneuvered Olivia on to her back, climbing on top of her.

"My turn."

Olivia looked up at the statuesque blonde, running her hands once again down her naked body.

Alex leaned in to nibble on Olivia's neck to her bare shoulder while kneading her breasts.

Alex could hear Olivia let out a deep breath and revel in the feel of Alex hands and lips.

"I want to taste you, I want inside you…" Alex whispered her lips encasing Olivia's left nipple.

"Please," was all Olivia had to say.

Alex was making her way down Olivia's body and down the bed.

Olivia's phone vibrated on the night stand.

Alex stopped.

"Nooo," Olivia groaned.

"You have to get it. You're the boss," Alex reminded as she gave Olivia room to sit up.

Olivia reached for her phone, looking at the screen.

"It's Fin."

"If he's calling about a threesome…" Alex joked

Olivia snickered before answering the phone.

If only Fin knew she was in bed right now with Alexandra Cabot.

Olivia listened to Fin intently, Alex could tell her wheels were already turning.

She heard, Olivia say she would "be there in 20".

Olivia's head hit the pillow once again.

"Shit! I have to go. I'll call Lucy. And you're welcome to sleep here, or if you wouldn't mind staying until she gets here…"

"Liv! Liv... don't be ridiculous! Noah and I'll be fine. Hopefully it will be a quick and you'll be back here in bed with me before Noah even knows you're gone. But either way, we're fine!" Alex assured her.

Olivia kissed Alex.

"Thank you."

"No thanks needed."

Olivia got out of bed and Alex watched her naked form glide across the room and morf herself from the sensual and sexy Olivia, to the serious and badass Lieutenant Benson.

"Be careful."

"Of course"

Olivia leaned in kissing Alex goodbye.

"Liv?"

"Yeah?" She said turning before leaving Alex.

"I love you."

Olivia grinned.

"I love you too."

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO

Olivia receive the last briefing on evidence from Rollings before she picked up the phone.

She took at deep sihing breath as the phone rang.

It was 6:30am.

"Liv?"

"Good morning."

"You're not home."

"No, and I'm not sure I will be for a while."

"Did you get any sleep?"

"I fell asleep at my desk for about 20 minutes around 4:30 this morning."

"I'm sorry Liv. You know I'd rather have you here in bed with me."

"I'm sorry I woke you."

"I was waking up, just hadn't made it out of bed yet."

"Lucy can be over in a bit to get Noah up and dressed. She can take him to preschool.

"When you weren't home when I woke up, I left a message with my Assistant that I would be late this morning. I hope it's ok, but I'll get Noah breakfast and dressed and to preschool."

"Alex, you don't have to…"

"Liv, I want to ok. And Noah and I've got this. We're no Olivia Benson, but we can make it."

"Ok, um there's oatmeal and bananas and his backpack that goes with him is on the hook by the door."

"Got it!"

"Ok, well then call me if you need anything and ok emergency numbers are on the fridge."

"Liv, we'll be fine."

"I know, I know. Ok."

"We'll talk to you later."

"Ok, and tell my baby boy I love him."

I certainly will.

Alex hung up the phone and stared at the ceiling for a few more minutes before getting up.

She figured she would take a quick shower and get dressed before Noah was up.

"Hey Noah, sweetheart. We gotta wake-up.

"Lex?"

"Hi there." Alex said giving him an assuring smile.

"Mama?" he asked his brow instantly furrowing.

"Mama had to go and catch the bad guys, but she'll be home later ok?"

Noah shook his head understanding.

"You take me to stool?"

"I am going to take you to school! Your Mama told me you needed to have a good breakfast and to not forget you backpack."

Noah reached out his arms for Alex, and when she leaned in he held on to her tightly around her neck.

If this was half of what Olivia felt every day holding this little boy in her arms.

Alex kissed the back of his rustled hair and made soothing circles on his back, letting him fully wake up.

Noah loosened his grip.

"How about we get get some breakfast then I'll help you get ready for school?"

Noah took Alex awaiting hand, following her first for the bathroom routine and then into the kitchen.

"Mama says you like oatmeal and banana?"

"Mmmhmm," Noah said preoccupied with the action figure he had found on the edge of the table from the night before.

"Ok good, that sounds good to me too!"

"You go to stool Lex?"

"No baby, I have to go to work."

"Like Mama."

Alex grinned, "yeah like Mama."

She finished fixing the oatmeal and slicing pieces of banana for them both. So far so good.

She would forgo the coffee until she dropped Noah off. She knew she was already tempting fate with oatmeal in her silk shirt and black pant suit she had stored away in Olivia's closet.

"Ok, can you sit in your chair at the table?" Alex asked.

She sat two bowls of oatmeal on the table and milk for Noah.

"Hey Noah, I like having breakfast with you!" Alex said as she watched him spoon the oatmeal into his mouth with relatively good success.

"I like bwekfast with you Lex! Mama and me and you… we, we can have bwekfast too-mar-row."

"Thats a great idea, maybe we can."

Alex wished tomorrow and everyday.

Alex and Noah made it through breakfast. Alex used the nearest dish towel to get his banana hands and oatmeal caked face clean before coaxing him back to his room to get dressed.

Alex pulled out red fleece lined jeans and navy sweater and a lighter blue shirt to layer.

"Who are on your socks Noah?" Alex asked as she held up the navy and gray socks.

"Beahs!"

"Bears!"

"What sound does a bear make?"

"Grrr!" Noah said excitedly, holding up his hands above his head like claws.

Alex laughed, and Noah growled again, liking that it made Alex laugh.

"Ok let's get this last shoe on and then we'll work on your hair."

Noah giggled. Squirmy, but perfectly content with Alex.

Breakfast, dressed, hair was combed to the side, teeth we brushed, jacket, hat, backpack.

Noah and Alex were out the door and what Alex thought was impressive time for someone who had never done this before.

They made their way into the preschool. Alex was instantly overwhelmed by all the kids at knee height. Noah didn't seem to mind and abandoned his coat and backpack with Alex to play with his friends.

A younger woman approached Alex, a smile already plastered on her face. "I'm Katie Collins, Noah's teacher and you are?"

"I'm Alexandra Cabot. I'm dropping Noah off this morning, his mom had to work."

She was unsure of what to say, or what she needed to say.

"Olivia is great, she's out there keeping us safe." Katie Collins replied cheerfully.

"She is." Alex smiled. "Is Noah ok? Do I need to do anything?"

"Oh no, as you can see he's fine. We have free play in the mornings so he can greet his friends as they come in."

"Oh, that's great. He gets excited to come here."

"He is a great kid. Well mannered, he listens, and as you can see he plays well with the other kids,"

Alex grinned proudly though she knew she had nothing to do with it.

"All his mom's doing," Alex said as she handed over Noah's backpack and coat.

Alex said her goodbye's to the bubbly Katie Collins, telling her she didn't want to interrupt Noah playing to say goodbye.

As Alex turned to leave, she heard the familiar "Lex!" from across the room.

The dark haired boy came barrelling towards her, giving her a hug. "Bye Lex. Good day at work."

Alex was pretty sure she could have cried.

"You have a good day too handsome."

As Alex walked out on the street, she could have blamed it on the cold air, but her eyes were teary.

She hailed a cab, heading downtown to her office.

She held her phone to her ear waiting for Olivia to pick up.

"I'm happy and quite proud to report that the eagle has landed into pre-school."

Olivia laughed. "How eventful was it?"

"Actually, I think we did great! Dressing a wiggle worm is interesting, but other than that, I had full co-operation. A very nice young man you have there."

"Well, I'm sure you're leaving something out on purpose, but I'm you guys made it."

"Oh I'm in dire need of coffee, but nothing the coffee stand outside of my office can't handle. How are you. Any developments? Any chance you got to sleep anymore?

"Carisi and Amanda were out first thing this morning on a lead. I'm actually laying on the couch in my office with the blinds shut now. I told them to wake me when they got back. Hopefully this will be the break we're hoping for."

Alex let Olivia finish and the burst out, "he called out for me and hugged me goodbye."

"What?" Olivia asked a bit confused in the change of subject.

"He told me to have a good day at work. Liiiiiv," Alex drug out.

Olivia laughed.

"Ah the ol' Noah Benson charm has gotten you good."

"He is the sweetest. And his teacher went on and on about what a great kid he is and how great you are."

"Ha well… we what can I say, we Benson's have you all under our spell." Olivia teased.

"You certainly do!"

"Hey Alex, maybe dinner or at least a drink tonight?"

"Absolutely! And I have to hear about how both the spellbinding Benson's days went.

"Alex thanks again for everything."

"Anything for you and Noah."

"Get that coffee"

"You get some sleep." 


	9. Chapter 9

Ch. 9

Alex in her blue puffy coat and skinny jeans sat on the playground bench sipping her coffee.

Her eyes were glued to the little boy in the funny red hat she had picked up for him.

The hat, in a store window in SOHO she had to buy for Noah.

She also couldn't take her eyes off his mother.

Her tattered jeans and high top sneakers made a relaxed Olivia Benson impossibly cute.

Alex didn't imagine she would be sitting on a park bench at a playground on this early spring Saturday morning with everything she ever wanted.

And she did mean everything.

The woman she was madly in love with and the little boy she had fallen just as hard for… She was wrapped around his finger.

"Lex! Watch me! Watch me!" Noah yelled from the top of the slide.

"I see you!" Alex replied excitedly.

She caught Olivia's eye. Olivia was grinning at the two of them.

Noah made Olivia so happy. He had brought a light to her life Alex knew Olivia never had before him.

Noah had made his way down the slide and back to the ground. He ran towards Alex. "You slide!"

"Me? I'm not sure I'll fit!" Alex said as she was being tugged behind Noah to the slide.

Olivia snickered at Alex making her way up the slide in her expensive wedged boots now settling herself at the top of the slide.

"Noah! Are you watching?"

"Go, Lex, you can do it!" He encouraged.

"Yeah, Lex you can do it!" Olivia teased.

Alex's long legs made a short trip down the slide and Noah and Olivia both clapped their hands, and Alex laughed.

oaoaoaoaoaoaoa

Noah now loaded in his stroller, Olivia handed him his sippy cup of water coaxing him not to drop it.

Alex, pushed the stroller not thinking twice about relieving Olivia of mommy duties as Olivia walked closely, and in stride beside her.

They made their way through the bustle of Midtown. As the streets got noticeably quieter, they walked slower and more casually.

Noah didn't seem to mind his stroll and still holding on to his sippy cup as directed.

Olivia's pinky and ring finger slid over the top of Alex's hand on the handle of the stroller. Alex never just looked over and grinned as she curled her own fingers now around Olivia's.

"Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Sure?"

"Would you and Noah go to Martha's Vineyard with me?"

Olivia stopped walking, looking at Alex, her fingers pulling away as she then tucked her arms against her chest.

"Your father?"

"Um, he won't be there. Actually, he hasn't been there in a while. He's on some tropical island. New girlfriend, new adventures."

Olivia's eyes widened as she leaned up against the tall cement planter on the sidewalk.

"Before you ask I've never met her. I know she's younger than me. I know she's a redhead, that and per my Aunt, she is obviously only dating my father for his money."

Olivia rolled her eyes.

"Are you ok with that?"

"He has his life, I have mine." She said nonchalantly.

"Does he know about you and me?"

Alex picked at the shredded denim on Olivia's knee. "No."

"Oh." Olivia wasn't sure if she was disappointed.

"Liv, I would love to tell him about you, but the truth is we haven't spoken in a while."

"Alex you should have told me."

"After my mother died and coming back from Witness Protection, we just never really reconnected."

"Without your mother, surely he was elated when you came home."

"I think he was, but we were never close you know that. Then he found out I was with Sydney… Think that was pretty much broke the link in the chain."

"So he knows you're gay."

"He knows I was with Sydney the last time we spoke. And Liv, I know he's not a bigot, but he just doesn't want HIS daughter to be gay."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's not your place to be sorry. If anything YOU make me happy. You fill my heart… this guy," Alex said reaching to give Noah a little tickle "is what I need in my life."

"So you think to have me and my 3- year old being at his house…"

"Well it's not his house, it's mine."

"What?"

"It was my mother's house… when she died, she left everything to me."

"So you forgot to mention you have a house on Martha's Vineyard?"

"I didn't forget. I just don't get to go there very often and honestly I've been happier here in the city with you and Noah."

"Wow."

"It's peaceful there. No work no interruptions… and we can take Noah to the beach."

"It sounds amazing."

"I'll look at my caseload and for you, we may have to slip you through a crawl space and down the fire escape before any of your squad notices you're gone, but…"

"HA HA Cabot!" Olivia said before leaning in giving her a quick kiss.

"Is that a yes?"

"How could a woman refuse an offer like that?"

Alex grinned.

They stood, and began walking again. "I still can't believe you didn't tell me you had a house on Martha's Vineyard!

Alex just laughed, then looked both ways before pushing Noah across the tree-lined side street.

Amanda Rollings stood on the cross street her her mouth agape.

She had recognized her Lieutenant and Noah, but didn't recognize the blonde she was standing close to until they stopped to talk, until Olivia put her hand over the blonde's until she leaned in and kissed the blonde, did Amanda realize it was Alexandra Cabot.

She just saw her boss kiss Alexandra Cabot and now, unbeknownst to them, they were walking towards her.

"Liv," Amanda called out, playing it cool.

Olivia and Alex both looked in the direction her named was being called to the blonde and the stroller coming towards her.

"Amanda, hey."

Olivia let go of Alex's hand.

Obviously thrown by seeing Amanda in her neighborhood.

"Alex, long time no see."

"Yeah, it has been a while."

"Look, Noah, it's Jessie," Olivia said bending down to the little girl in the stroller.

"She's beautiful," Alex said admiring Jessie.

"Oh… Thank you."

Amanda was distracted by the whole situation.

"Jess and I were just running errands. Enjoying the weather…"

"Yeah, Alex and I took Noah to the park this morning."

Alex and I.

Like it was no big deal, no surprise that there was an "Alex and me".

"Well, I'll let you guys get on with your day. Bye, bye Noah, and Alex it was great to see you. Liv I hope I don't see you again till Monday," Amanda joked.

"I know what you mean. You two enjoy your weekend."

The two parties went their separate ways, Amanda taking a look back at the two women walking in the opposite direction.

"Wow Olivia Benson we are full of all kinds of surprises," Amanda mumbled to herself.

Olivia now pushing Noah in his stroller, walked in silence another block before Alex slid her arm through Olivia's, locking arms with her.

Alex couldn't say she wasn't relieved when Olivia didn't pull away.

She feared such a display of affection may spook Olivia after running into Amanda.

"Are you ok with that?"

"What? Running into Amanda?"

"Yeah, I mean she obviously saw us together. I mean we weren't making out but…"

Olivia let out a deep breath. "They have to find out sooner or later."

"I've gotta be honest, I didn't think that's what you were' going to say."

"I'm not sure I would have said that a few weeks ago, and you know how protective of my private life I am anyway."

"Your private life has never included sleeping with me," Alex said as they reached the stoop to her brownstone apartment. "We are a bit scandalous," Alex teased.

"Oh I'm aware of the can of worms that was just opened, and I thought I would be more shy about it. But I'm in love with you, and we've got plans to make this work. So my squad, and whoever in the NYPD, our friends, they're all going find out. I want them to know that I'm in love with you, that I love you and I have for a long time."

Alex's palm cupped Olivia's jawline before she leaned in kissing her softly. "I love you too, so much."

Alex left Olivia grinning as she unbuckled Noah from his stroller, lifting him to her hip.

"You got the stroller?" Alex said looking back to Olivia as she made her way up the steps.

"Uh yeah," Olivia said collapsing the stroller.

"Come on Mama!"

Olivia smiled again, "I'm coming, baby. I'm right behind you."


	10. Chapter 10

Ch. 10

"Rollins, can I have minute before you leave?" Olivia called from her office.

"Oh someone's in trouble with the boss!" Finn jabbed as Amanda rolled her eyes.

Olivia had already retreated back behind her desk when Amanda closed the door behind her.

"Something wrong Lieutenant?

"No no … Will you sit for a second?"

Amanda nodded and sat across from Olivia.

"This is more of a personal favor."

"Sure," Amanda said puzzled.

"The other day when we ran into each other. Um…"

Olivia hesitated.

"Lieutenant, is this about seeing you and Alex together?"

"Yeah, it is."

"Haven't said anything if you're wondering."

"Thanks. I appreciate that. It's not that I'm trying to hide anything, especially my relationship with Alex, it's just something I want to keep for myself right now."

"I can understand that… How long have you been together?"

"A couple of months."

"Oh, that's great."

"Yeah, it is. It really is."

"My lips are sealed I promise."

"Thank you."

Amanda stood up making her way to the door.

"Liv."

"Yeah?"

"I hope you're as happy with her as you looked on the street the other day. It was nice to see you relaxed and… in love."

Olivia couldn't help but crack a smile to Amanda.

"I really am happy."

"Good," Amanda said returning the smile as she made her way out of Olivia's office.

Despite telling Alex she didn't have second thoughts about running into Amanda on the street she did.

Olivia needed a private life she wanted a private life, and innocently maybe she was trying to keep it all to herself.

Olivia's love life had more than once been a part of office chatter. She wanted her relationship with Alex to be different, she needed it to be different.

Alex was years of wanting secretly, her heart being crushed when Alex would come and go.

She needed this to not be a hot gossip topic, rather something she had time to nurture and have for herself.

This was the love of her life.

Olivia's phone buzzed.

Speaking of…

"Hey there," Olivia voice cracking slightly.

"Hey, everything ok?" Alex asked taking a hint from the sound of her voice.

"Actually, everything is great. I was thinking about you."

No lie, she was.

"Oh really?" Alex asked intrigued.

"Yeah just thinking about you, about our trip."

A little white lie.

"It can't come soon enough! Especially after the week I'm already having."

"Anything wrong?"

"The DA is on my ass and everything is just being piling up like they knew I was going to put in vacation time."

"Sorry to hear that. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop over here. Anything I can do to make it better?"

"Well, I was hoping maybe I could stop by later."

"Alexandra, is this a booty call?" Olivia teased.

"Call it what you want. I was in a bad mood then I started thinking about how hot you are and I got turned on and then… Ok yes, this is an official booty call!"

Olivia laughed, "Well I'd be happy to see if I can help destress you a bit."

"I'll probably be late leaving the office."

"I'll have you a glass of wine waiting and I'll um be waiting," Olivia said lowering her voice.

"There went my concentration."

"Patience will be rewarded."

"I'll try and remember that."

"Ok, I'm headed out of here in a few. Let me know when you're on your way."

"Will do. Love you."

"Love you."

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO

Olivia had opened a bottle of wine to breathe, dimmed the lights. Instead of the TV, music played softly as to not wake Noah.

The text from Alex came almost 30 minutes ago.

A soft knock on the door and Olivia opened it slowly.

Olivia was standing there, wearing a silky, strappy and a plunging neckline accentuating Alex's favorite asset(s) of Olivia's body.

Alex's eyes went exactly where Olivia wanted them to go.

"Jesus," Alex said as her mouth hung open.

Olivia grinned as she made room to welcome Alex inside.

"Noah's asleep?" She asked before stepping across the threshold.

"Mmhmmm," was all Olivia said.

Alex stepped in immediately, dropping everything and backing Olivia against the now closed door.

"I can't handle how sexy you are," Alex said, her left palm under the silk negligee cupping Olivia's ass, the other with a handful of her semi-exposed breast.

"I'm glad you like what you see."

"I love," Alex said kissing Olivia passionately.

They finally broke their kisses.

"I want to relax you, baby," Olivia grinned devilishly.

"Everyone else has already disappeared. Only here with you." Alex said, as her finger began to roam all of the bare skin in front of her.

Olivia kissed Alex softly, pulling her blouse from her pencil skirt. She made her way down her long neck, splaying kisses as she unbuttoned each button.

Alex's clothes falling to the floor, she too was now just in her slip, though still way more overdressed than Olivia.

Olivia grabbed the the glass of wine she had poured earlier, handing it to Alex.

She allowed Alex a second to take a sip, then guided Alex to her bedroom.

Wine glass on the bedside table, Olivia pulled the slip from Alex's body, leaving her in a little black ensemble.

Alex released her bra and then laid back on the bed. Olivia began to kiss her naked breasts and her the stomach.

"Liv, baby I'm already so wet." Alex moaned.

Olivia slid her hand inside Alex's panties.

The were soaked.

Olivia bit her bottom lip suppressing her grin.

"Anything you want?" Olivia questioned in a whisper.

"I want you to make me come with your mouth, but I want you to fuck me first," Alex said deliberately.

God, Olivia loved her decisiveness.

A Sunday afternoon browsing Amazon Prime, lead to buying a particular personal item of both of their choosing to Olivia's doorstep.

"Fingers or…?" Making sure Alex was wanting the same thing.

Alex looked over to Olivia's opposite bedside table.

Olivia leaned over pulling the double sided dildo out of the drawer.

When Olivia returned, Alex reached down feeling how wet Olivia was.

Alex slid her fingers up and down coating Olivia, before taking the dildo in her hand.

Olivia raised up and Alex placed it at her opening.

"Ready baby?"

Olivia nodded as Alex slid into her, giving her time to adjust.

When Olivia was ready she did the same for Alex.

Alex gasped the first time their wet cores met.

"Yes."

"Yes?"

"Oh God, yes!" Alex said as Olivia began to slowly move her hips.

Alex rested her thigh on Olivia's shoulder so they could be closer, so Olivia could go deeper.

"Fuck me."

And Olivia did until sweat dripped off of both of their bodies and suppressing their moans was no longer bearable.

"Shower?" Alex asked.

"I wasn't done." Olivia growled.

"Oh, I didn't say we were done."

Olivia grinned following Alex to the shower.

Water streamed down their bodies as Alex stood behind Olivia teasing her clit on until she came hard against Alex's body.

And Olivia fulfilled Alex's request making her come with her mouth, Alex barely being able to stand as her knees buckled.

Both now collapsed against a shower wall heaving and spent.

No talking, just holding until the hot water began to run cold.

Barely drying off, neither caring made their way back to bed, snuggling into each other's bodies once again.

"If it was possible to be more in love with you," Alex whispered.

She couldn't see the smile on Olivia's face only felt a kiss to her bare shoulder before they both drifted off to sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

Life won't seem to stop getting in the way! But finally getting a chapter to you!

Thank you all so much for your replies and encouragement! -Mel

Ch. 11

It was a day of first for everyone.

Noah's first plane ride.

And both Olivia and Alex's first experience traveling on a plane with Noah.

Alex was honestly nervous, though it would be a side of Noah she had never seen if he did, in fact, turn into a nightmare on the plane.

However, he was still a toddler and Alex wanted to be somewhat prepared for the worst.

She had been googling everything from "ears popping" to "entertaining your toddler on an airplane" up until last night.

Typical Olivia however, took it all in stride and had a plan of her own. She had Noah so excited to fly on the "airpane" that by the time he had waved and said hello to all the passengers beside and behind them he was getting sleepy. By the time they were up in the air, Olivia had headphones on Noah and Disney's Planes playing on her iPad for him.

"You're like a guru," Alex said grinning.

"No, I've just been in enough hostage negotiations to know that if you don't have a solid plan going in someone may be killed," she said joking about comparing the situations.

20 minutes into the movie, Noah was sound asleep and his head was burrowed into Alex's side.

"Want me to move him?" Olivia asked, making a face as she measured the discomfort Noah's position was causing Alex.

Alex looked over at Olivia. "Don't you dare." Alex mouthed as she grabbed Olivia's hand.

Olivia grinned as she mouthed back, "love you".

Olivia started with the extra hard Sudoku puzzle hoping that would occupy her plane ride and Alex continued to give her the side eye amazed at how the puzzle seemed to barely stump Olivia.

It was a successful trip to Martha's Vineyard and Noah was once again awake and wide-eyed at the unfamiliar lack of cityscape around him.

They gathered their bags and Alex studied her phone.

"Ok, the car is waiting for us at arrivals?"

"We're not renting a car?"

"No car service to the house and then when we get there, we'll have my car."

"Your car? You have a car? Here?"

Alex laughed.

They all piled into the waiting black Denali. Alex's grin was plastered to her face as she watched Olivia and Noah both gawk at their surroundings. The architecture, the charm, and of course the water had their noses pressed against the car window.

When the car slowed and pulled into the driveway. Olivia looked at Alex.

"This is it! Noah, we're here!" Alex said excitedly.

Olivia now stood in the driveway outside of Alex's house, taking in its size of the gray-shingled house, with white trim and perfectly landscaped lawn.

"Alex you didn't tell me you had all of this and that its was right on the beach."

"Beautiful isn't it? My mother had exquisite taste," Alex said admiring the house herself. "And I wanted to surprise you!"

"You definitely accomplished that," Olivia said shifting Noah on her hip.

"Ms. Cabot, your bags are in the foyer as instructed by Ms. Hayes."

"Thank you so much, Michael," Alex said reaching for a tip from her purse.

"Alex you could at least let me tip the guy."

"This trip is on me. You and Noah are my guests, though I do hope that you find the house and the island comfortable and that you'll want to come back again and again," Alex grinned.

"I don't think this would be hard to get used to!"

"Hey let's go inside! Let me show you around."

"Wait, who's Ms. Hayes?"

"Oh, thats Margaret."

"She's kept the house for years. Margaret was my mothers' best friend. She and her husband Eli, who'll you'll probably meet later, keep the house up and have it ready for me when I come here."

"You're like Clark Kent under those glasses. You're a whole different person here."

"This was my mother's house. She loved it here, and Margaret told me in her last days this was the only place she wanted to be," Alex said sadly. "I like that I can come here and it's the complete opposite of the city. It may be the complete opposite of me."

Olivia looked at Alex and smiled, before Alex offered her, her hand.

When they stepped inside Margaret came barreling towards them.

Any ounce of pretentiousness Olivia feared dissipated quickly.

Margaret squeezed Alex. gushing over her and then went for Noah. "This handsome boy!" she exclaimed. "My goodness!"

Once Noah had been properly swooned over, Margaret looked to Olivia.

"And you…" she said calming her voice, "are stunning."

Olivia blushed.

"Alexandra, you told me she was beautiful, but you are stunning."

"Thank you," Olivia said still blushing and looking to Alex.

"Okay okay! I'm not sure who you're embarrassing more me or Olivia."

"What! I'm excited! I've heard about this woman for years and I finally get to meet her!"

"Years?" Olivia questioned Alex.

"Oh Alex used to tell me her secrets," Margaret revealed.

"Oh God! Can we, please… Noah come on." Alex said coaxing the little boy further into the house.

Olivia just looked at Margaret who was very please with disrupting the ever poised Alexandra Cabot and snickered.

"I like rattling her a bit," Margaret grinned like a Cheshire cat. "Come on sweetheart let's get you settled," Margaret said leaving Olivia to follow. "Alex will show you your bedroom, but I had Noah's room set up not far from yours… Noah! Come see your room!" Margaret called out.

Olivia loved that Margaret didn't have a shy bone in her body.

Noah stood just inside the doorway of "his room" looking around. A red tricycle sat in the center of the room along with a Thomas the Train set and the rest of the room was decked out to the nine's for the toddler.

"Margaret!" Olivia exclaimed this is too much!"

"Don't Margret me! Per Alexandra's instructions Noah likes trains, planes, and automobiles. I just make it happen! And actually, it's been restored a bit, but that little trike there belonged to blondie over here when she was Noah's age."

Olivia looked at Alex as Alex tried to hide her satisfied grin.

"Well, I'll let Alex show you around. Noah and I will be in the kitchen if he's allowed to have a c-o-o-k-i-e?"

"Sure," Olivia said sounding as if she was giving in.

"Come on Noah, let's get a cookie! We'll let the grownups see their room without us."

Noah left his inspection on the room to follow Margaret, easily swayed by the promise of a cookie.

"Alex, I can't believe you did that just for Noah."

"And I can't believe you still can't comprehend how happy it makes me see the smile on your face, on his face." Alex then leaned in kissing Olivia softly. "I want to do anything and everything to make you and Noah as happy as I am."

Olivia squeezed Alex's hand in response.

"Now, where you will be sleeping," Alex said raising her brow and pulling Olivia along with her.

Olivia followed Alex into a more than generous master suite.

Everything was plush and the white bed linens and comforter were piled high with typical Alex Cabot comfort expectations.

"Ok this is to die for," Olivia said looking around.

"Wait till we get in bed," Alex grinned.

Olivia rolled her eyes teasing Alex, then making her way to the glass French doors that opened to a private balcony that overlooked the ocean.

"Alex, I'm not sure I could have imaged all of this," Olivia said a bit overwhelmed by it all.

Alex came up behind her wrapping her arms around her.

"I couldn't part with with house. I spent a lot of my childhood here and truthfully I need to know I have a place like this to come to in my life. And now, you're finally here. It finally feels like a home again."

"Alex," Olivia said touched.

"I don't want you to be overwhelmed by the house. I want you to enjoy every minute of it. I have wanted to bring you here for so long. I want you to be happy here, at peace, like I am. I want Noah to have as much fun and have create great memories just like I have."

Olivia turned in to Alex, her palms resting on Alex's jawline, looking into her eyes."You're so good for me." Olivia said kissing Alex. "My whole life seems to have changed so quickly, I starting to forget things, things I've wanted to so desperately to forget because you've filled up the empty space."

"Liv, baby, we deserve to be happy. Have a happy life. We've been through too much with and so much without each other."

Olivia shook her head agreeing, tears in her eyes.

"MAMA!"

Noah was scrambling down the hall making his way in the bedroom to Alex and Olivia. As Olivia wiped away a stray tear, Alex scooped Noah up.

"I tried to hold him off as long as possible," Margaret said realizing Alex and Olivia were obviously in the midst of a moment together.

"How was your cookie?"

"Yummy!" Noah said smacking his lips to Alex.

"Yummy? Well, I'll have to get one of those!"

"Everyone okay?" Margaret questioned, looking purposefully at Olivia.

"Perfect," Olivia smiled. "I think I'm a little overwhelmed by how welcoming, and beautiful everything is."

"Well, in that case, tears are allowed." Margaret grinned.

"Noah, let's go out here and see the ocean!" Alex coaxed as she opened the door and they stepped out onto the balcony.

She turned to look at Olivia motioning for her to follow.

Alex pointed to in the direction of the ocean.

"Look, Noah, you see the sailboat out there?"

"Boat! Boat! Noah said hopping in Alex's arms.

"Maybe we can see one of those boats up close while we're here ok."

"Yeah! Boat!"

Olivia now standing beside them looked out over the beach.

"Hopefully tomorrow the sun will be out and it will be warm enough to spend some time at the beach. At least introduce Noah to the sand and the water.

"Sounds like a plan."

"Ok! For now handsome, you have a whole room of toys to play with while your mama and I unpack! You want to go play?"

"Yeah, yeah!"

"Alright, Alex said sitting him to the ground and Noah took off towards his new room.

"Where did Margaret go?"

"Probably to the kitchen. She was making some lobster corn chowder to leave us with for dinner tonight."

"She doesn't have to do that!"

"She insisted. And trust me, once you've tasted her chowder… it's so delicious."

Olivia stood behind Alex, wrapping her arms around her, perching her chin on her shoulder.

They stood there for a few moments in silence, enjoying the sound of the waves.

"I have to admit, this place, being here with you, it does bring a certain peace over me," Olivia said finally breaking their silence. "This feeling… everything at this moment just feels right and good."

Alex intertwined her fingers with Olivia's.

"I guess if you wish hard enough, wishes do come true."

Alex couldn't see the smile that appeared on Olivia's face.

"Yeah, I guess they do."

They spent a few more minutes on the balcony in each other's arms before making their way inside.

A peek in on Noah as he busied himself with a toy police car he had found.

They headed to the kitchen to sample chowder and to get their bags to unpack.

Olivia was settling in just fine.

They waved goodbye to Margaret, thanking her profusely for all that she had done.

Alex opened a bottle of wine, pouring she and Olivia a glass.

"To our vacation." Alex grinned as she held up her glass.

"Yes, to our vacation." Olivia agreed as their glasses clinked.

"I love you, Alex."

"I love you too so much Olivia."


	12. Chapter 12

**You guys the struggle was real with this one. Absolutely no focus! Grrr!**

Ch. 12

Olivia chose a black dress with leopard print heels.

She looked classic and incredibly sexy. Olivia knew what to wear to not miss a curve on her body, as if it were a talent.

Alex chose a skinny black pants and strappy heels that made her legs look ridiculously long, and an emerald green silk shirt with a plunging neckline that was slightly daring, but still elegant with Alex having just the right amount of cleavage.

By the time both of them had made it downstairs to the living room where Noah and Margaret were working on a puzzle, Olivia and Alex both had already had to reapply their lipstick.

One kiss had led to another, one touch could drag on and on.

Olivia warned if Alex didn't keep her hands off of her they weren't going to make it to dinner.

Alex gave in, promising she would continue what she started later.

"WOW! JUST WOW!" Margaret exclaimed as she and Noah looked up to see them both ready for their date night. "You two are like models right out of a magazine!"

Alex and Olivia both smiled politely at the raving compliments before making sure they said their said their proper goodnights and gave hugs and kisses to Noah.

He had a big day at the beach and Olivia and Alex were both certain he would be easy for Margaret to entertain before his bedtime.

As Alex had promised, dinner was perfect.

She had raved about the food and a signature cocktail that Olivia had to have. Nothing was disappointing.

What made the night even more perfect was just being with each other.

They kept their hands on each other most of the night, and they alluded being in love and unapologetic sexiness.

Neither seemed to care about their outward display of affection for each other, and if anything onlookers grinned, and even envied the two beautiful women.

"The wine was so good! There's a small wine shop that open late not too far from here. Should we stop and see if they have it? I thought maybe we could make a fire in the fireplace on the porch and snuggle up with another glass." Alex suggested.

"I like that idea. As long as snuggling ends with what you started earlier." Olivia teased.

"You count on that Ms. Benson." Alex said reaching her hand over the gear shift of the car to Olivia inner thigh.

"We better make this a quick stop!" Olivia said playfully, already completely turned on from their continuous night of foreplay.

They pulled into the wine shop.. They made their way to the Cabernets, Alex looking intently for the familiar bottle asking Olivia if she remembered the exact name, and if they should get anything else, maybe champagne for Mimosas for one morning… no answer.

Alex knew Olivia was standing not far from her.

When she finally looked over to Olivia, she was white as a ghost.

"Liv?"

She said nothing, her eyes focused on the floor.

"Liv? Honey what's wrong?

A tear involuntarily slid down Olivia's cheek.

Alex looked around, besides the store clerk no one was in the store. Some hokey song played through the speakers, but nothing, no one was there.

"It's ok. It's ok, whatever it is. I'm here. I'm here."

The moment Alex touched Olivia's hand, it broke her trance.

Olivia looked at Alex.

"I have to go. I have to go," was all she repeated.

Alex left the wine bottles sitting on the floor, taking Olivia by the arm.

Olivia quickly got in the car, buckling her seatbelt, Alex followed suit, but didn't immediately drive away.

"Baby, what just happened in there?"

"Can we just go please?" Olivia said without any inflection.

Alex started the car and began to back out of the parking space.

They had only gotten down the street when Olivia asked Alex to pull over.

"Alex please."

Olivia was scaring her.

"Honey, we're almost home."

"Alex I'm going to be sick, please!"

Alex pulled over as quick as she could and Olivia opened the door just in time to empty her "perfect" dinner from her stomach, to the side of the road.

When Olivia sat back up in the car, tears were streaming down her face.

"Can we go home?" was all she said though she did reach for Alex's hand.

They rode the rest of the way home in silence, but Olivia never letting go.

When they pulled up in the driveway, Olivia had stopped crying, but her face was a mess.

"I don't want to explain to Margaret..." Olivia said lifeless.

"It's ok, we'll go in, you go upstairs, I'll tell Margaret you're not feeling well. We'll blame it on the lobster." Alex said giving an assuring smile, but still unsure what there was to explain.

Alex heard Olivia take a deep breath nodding her head to agree.

Luckily, Margaret was sitting in the kitchen when they came through the door which allowed Olivia an easy pass through and up the stairs.

"Margaret?" Alex called out.

"Hi sweetheart, did you two have a great time? Where's Olivia?"

"We did. Unfortunately Olivia 's now not feeling well."

"Oh no! Was it something she ate?"

"It might be," Alex winced, playing along.

"Oh dear, should I get her some ginger ale?"

"No, no… I'll take care of her. Don't worry." Alex smiled reassuringly.

"I know you will."

"Noah Asleep?

"He didn't even have a story in him, he was so tired. All he talked about was the boats and the big ocean tonight."

"Yes, he definitely had a big day at the beach."

"Ok I'm going to go, so you can take care of Olivia. Let me know if you need anything, and tell her I hope she feels better."

"I will. Thank you so much for watching Noah."

"He was the perfect angel."

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO

Olivia straightened Noah's covers and moved the strands of hair from Noah's forehead.

He was so tired, he didn't stir.

She sat in silence, watching her boy's peaceful breaths.

" _I'm so picturing you in a blue bikini instead of your blue puffy jacket!" Olivia said pulling her sunglasses down her nose and peering over to Alex._

 _The afternoon sun was shining but, the breeze coming off the ocean made it colder than either of them would have like._

 _Noah didn't seem mind._

" _Guess we'll just have to come back for bikini season." Alex teased._

 _Noah's toboggan covering his head, waterproof north face, but his rain boots long gone for the sand between his toes._

 _He now squealed with delight as Olivia playfully dipped his toes in the water as the waves reached the shore._

 _The cold water not phasing him, only exhilarating him._

 _Olivia had woke up that morning missing Alex by her side. Noah too was mysteriously missing._

 _She found them downstairs sitting at the breakfast table._

 _Alex, glasses perched on her nose, she had already made coffee and fixed Noah breakfast._

 _Olivia couldn't help but spy and listen in on their lively conversation about boats and little fish and big fish all while Noah dangled his legs in his navy blue rain boots from the grown up chair._

 _Since that conversation Noah had been anxiously awaiting their walk down to the beach._

 _The cold would be no deterrence for Noah's curiosity and admittingly Olivia's either._

As soon as Olivia planted Noah's feet in the sand he ran to Alex.

"Hey how about we go look at the boats?"

"Yeah boats!" Noah squealed excitedly.

 _Alex dried Noah's feet and helped him put his boots back on while Olivia did the same._

" _Are you ok if we take him to see the boats before we head back?" Alex asked._

" _Of course! He'l love that."_

Perfect day, perfect evening.

The night had turned into a nightmare.

"Liv?"

Olivia turned to see Alex standing in the doorway already in her robe.

"I ran a bath, thought maybe you would come get in with me?"

It was a request not a question.

Olivia shook her head agreeing.

As they walked back to the bedroom Alex could tell Olivia's mind was reeling.

"I'm going to help you with your dress." Alex offered, not wanting to make any sudden moves to startle her.

Olivia turned her back to Alex, pulling her hair to the side.

Alex pulled the zipper down Olivia's spine.

She kissed the nape of Olivia's neck, then her bare shoulder as the dress fell to the puddle on the floor.

Alex unhooked Olivia's bra then walked around to face her. She pulled her panties off of her hips and they too fell to the floor.

Chill bumps now scattered across Olivia's skin.

Alex dropped her own robe on to the bed, and pressed her naked body into Olivia's.

Alex held her for a moment, her fingers running through Olivia's hair down her arms, bare stomach.

"Let's get in the tub ok?" Alex said, taking Olivia's hand.

Alex got in and Olivia sat in front of her, between Alex's long legs.

They sat quietly, Alex ever patient as she touched Olivia gently.

Continuing to pebble kisses on her revealed skin.

"I'm really sorry I ruined our evening."

"Liv, you didn't ruin our evening, I just don't know what happened."

Before Olivia spoke again, Alex could feel her body sink deeper into her.

For protection.

"That song."

"What? What song?"

"The song that was playing over the speakers in the store."

"Ok?"

Alex was still oblivious.

"It was the song that was playing in the car when Lewis had me tied me up and gagged in the floorboard in the back seat." Alex stopped breathing. "When he shot that cop in the head."

"Oh God - Liv. Oh God, I'm so sorry."

William Lewis.

The Monster, William Lewis.

"That the first time I've heard that song since. When it came on, I just froze. I panicked."

"And rightfully so. I just wish I would have known. I didn't know what to do."

"I'm sorry. I didn't either."

Alex had sat up in the tub, her arms were wrapped tightly around Olivia from behind.

"God… I didn't know.

More silence.

A now erie feeling of William Lewis between the two of them.

"You've never asked me about Lewis."

"I figured you'd tell me what you wanted me to know in time."

"You didn't want to know?"

Alex soothed Olivia's wet hair, choosing her words wisely.

"I wanted you to bring it up if you needed to. I wasn't going to rehash William Lewis for my own curiosity. It's your story, your healing process, not mine."

"How much do you know?"

"Mostly just what was in the news. I wanted to come to you so badly at the time. But I didn't want to pry into your private life. Hell, I thought if anything you didn't need me showing up when you had been through what you had. I basically just held on every ounce of information I could get about what was happening… then of course I didn't know until after the fact he had taken you again, until it was reported he was dead… Thank God he's dead."

"Do you know how he died?"

"I read a self-inflicted gunshot to the head." Alex said bluntly.

"He made me play Russian Roulette."

"What the fuck! He did what!" Alex blurted, shifting, obviously uncomfortable in the tub.

"Of all the times… even when he kidnapped me the first time," Olivia said with a haunting snicker, "I was only certain then that's how I was going to die. I pictured the news headline would be that I had killed myself, shot myself in the head."

"Baby... " Alex stood , shifting herself to face Olivia in the tub.

She was crying.

Alex wanted to be strong, but she couldn't stop crying.

"I didn't know. Baby, I didn't know." She sobbed.

"Alex, I don't want to tell you anything else about it. I've been to therapy. A lot of therapy. And I have Noah, and I have you now. I don't want to relive it. I don't want you to have this visual of it… especially after seeing your reaction just now."

"Liv, I'm sorry. If you need me, you know I'm here for you. I can be strong for you."

"I know. I don't doubt that. But I don't want it in our lives. I don't want William Lewis in our lives."

"But if something like this happens again…"

"And it probably will..."

"Promise me, even if you don't want to tell me the details, you'll let me me remind you that you're here with me, with Noah. That you survived."

Olivia shook her head agreeing.

"Can we get out of this tub?"

Alex grinned.

"Can I be honest?"

"Of course, baby."

"I want to make love to you and forget. I want to tell you I love you over and over, and come over and over and forget. I want to be with you, my love and forget."

Alex stood from the tub, letting the water cascade down her body. She stepped out grabbing a towel and then offering one to Olivia.

Alex didn't give Olivia much of a chance to dry off before her lips crashed down on hers.

"I love you so much baby," Alex said, "And I'll always be with you, always."


	13. Chapter 13

A short one, but it's what came to me... -M

Ch. 13.

Alex woke with a tiny dinosaur clad arm lying across her torso. His fingers holding tight to her t-shirt that she was now thankful she had gotten cold and put on in the wee hours of the morning.

"Lex," a little boys voice called her name.

"Hi sweetheart," she whispered, one eye open to his little face looking up at her.

"Can I get up dere?" he whispered back. "Can I get in bed wid you and mama?"

Olivia didn't always let Noah get in bed with them, not wanting him to form a habit, but there was a time or two with Alex's permission that she let him have morning snuggles between them.

"Try and not wake mommy ok?" Alex said as she lifted him up, scooting over so he could settle between her and Olivia.

"Ok," he whispered loudly.

Olivia stirred, but never woke up and Noah soon fell back to sleep as did Alex.

It wasn't an hour later Alex's eyes were wide, staring into a barely lit room, her mind competing with the sun rise.

Alex looked over, Noah holding on to her, gripping her shirt in his sleep.

Her love, lying there to her left, she too was still fast asleep.

She deserved to sleep.

Last night, their romantic dinner was lost to the all too real nightmare of William Lewis.

What was supposed to be a night of making love and reminders of how much they loved each other, became sex to forget a man that tortured her, and a song that would forever haunt her when she least expected.

Alex's eyes were now fixated on Noah's little belly as it rose and then fell with his slumbered breaths.

She was thinking again about Olivia telling her about Lewis making her play Russian Roulette.

Tears fell down the sides of Alex's eyes as she tried to quickly squeeze them shut to stop them from falling.

Horrifying.

Imagining it, much less living through it.

Alex swallowed the lump in her throat.

It was a detail Alex didn't know.

She had told Olivia all she knew about what had happened between her and Lewis, she had read in the news.

That wasn't exactly the truth.

What she didn't mention was how fixated she had become with knowing what happened, how it happened, how Olivia had survived, how it had all ended… How Olivia was recovering.

When Alex saw for herself that she was doing ok, that she was safe, she cooled her obsession. Then if Olivia wanted to tell her on her own what happened, she could, Alex would never question or prod her for details.

Alex also didn't tell Olivia that this was what really broke she and her ex Sydney apart.

That Olivia was actually the straw that broke the camel's back.

AOAOAOAOAOAO

"Sydney! Honey?" Allex called out as sat her briefcase and purse down.

No answer.

"Syd?"

Alex passed by her office on her way to the bedroom sure that's where Sydney would be.

"Hey you..." Ale said almost questioning as _Sydney was sitting at Alex's desk._

 _The look on Sydney's face..._

" _You keep a folder on your desktop of her?"_

" _Are you going through my computer?" Alex asked, immediately defensive._

" _I left my laptop cord at the office, my battery died, I needed to use your computer."_

" _So you were snooping around? You couldn't just do what you needed to do?"_

" _I'm sorry Alex, but when there's a folder named "Olivia" on my girlfriend's computer… sorry curiosity got the best of me! You're obsessed with her!" Sydney accused._

" _Something horrific happened to her! I wanted to know if she was ok!" Alex justified._

" _Alex, you have articles of her kidnappings, you have pictures of her…"_

" _I needed to know she was ok" was all Alex could say, could argue._

 _A weak defense._

" _If you need to know so much why don't you reach out to her? Why do you play this game with her?"_

" _It's not a game!"_

" _Well, it's sure as hell is not real life, because I'm your girlfriend, but you're obsessed with this other woman. You don't even speak to her, you haven't seen her in years, and you have a shrine to her on your computer! Alex, it's insane!"_

" _It's insane because I care about her? Because I wanted to know what happened to her!"_

" _You know what?" Sydney said, making her way out of Alex's office. "Have your imaginary relationship with Olivia. I've competed with her long enough. I'm tired of trying of begging for your attention when it comes to Olivia. I'm tired of hoping you'll forget about her or that you'll at least love me the way you do her. But that's never going to happen! If this is what satisfies you, the fantasy of her, then have her!_

" _Sydney!" Alex pleaded._

 _But she was gone._

 _Sydney packed her bags and stormed out of Alex's apartment that same night._

 _Alex would never forget Sydney's last words to her. She said, "she hoped that her precious Olivia was ok and that she would woman up and face her one day."_

AOAOAOAOAOAOA

It wasn't until a year later, on Olivia's birthday that Alex would muster the courage to send Olivia flowers, to knock on her door.

Alex turned on her side, pulling Noah into her and making herself closer to Olivia.

Maybe one day she would tell Olivia that story, or maybe she never would.

She just knew it was worth it all to be lying there next to both of them.


	14. Chapter 14

I have a million excuses, but finally here's the next chapter and ch. 15 is almost done as well... -Mel

Ch. 14

"It wasn't supposed to rain today," Alex said, holding her coffee mug close.

She finally glanced over her shoulder to Olivia standing in the doorway.

"I admit it's kinda nice. An excuse to stay in."

Alex lifted the blanket that was tucked beside her inviting Olivia to sit next to her.

Olivia took the invitation, snuggling next to Alex, her own cup of coffee in hand.

"Noah?"

"Playing with his train. I can't compete."

Alex grinned.

"I love how quiet it is here. The rain, the ocean, the crackling of the fire."

"No constant sirens, garbage trucks, horns honking…" Alex said tangling her pajama-clad legs with Olivia's.

Olivia fidgeted with the edge of the blanket, calculating her words.

"Thank you for last night."

Alex took Olivia's hand in hers.

"Anytime you need me I'm right here," She said sincerely.

"I was a mess. I just fell apart."

"And here I thought you were superhuman."

Olivia gave Alex a smirk before her head went to Alex's shoulder.

"I never brought him up to you because I didn't want him in our lives," Olivia confessed. "I had spent months in therapy saying William Lewis' name, reliving everything that had happened, and trying to forget. And it may be silly, but I felt like if I brought it up to you, talked about it with you, it would be a part of us," Olivia squeezed Alex's hand, "I don't want it to be a part of us."

Alex brought Olivia hands to her lips, giving her a soft assuring kiss.

"Liv, your thoughts aren't silly, but you don't need to protect me from what happened to you. If anything, the worst thing is that you shut me out when you need me. I'll be honest, I'm horrified by the little I know, but I'll be stronger for you, I'll do what I can to fill up what he took away from you. That's my job."

Olivia wiped the tears from her eyes.

"You're so good for me. You always have been."

"You're the same for me. Even when we weren't together, when we were thousands of miles apart, you were always so good for me."

"I can't promise that it won't happen again."

"I know baby, but please don't ever forget that I'm here. That you don't need to handle it on your own, you don't need to be brave on your own. Let me hold you, let me comfort you…"

"Have sex with me?"

"If that's what you need," Alex assured.

"I don't think you're supposed to allow me to have sex with you to forget…"

"Can't all be by the book."

"You're too good for me."

"I wish you would stop saying that."

"I can't because I'll never stop believing it."

Alex kissed the top Olivia's head, Olivia never spying the smile that was on Alex's face.

The rain still fell, a little lighter than before.

Alex took she and Olivia's coffee cups, sitting them on the side table and Olivia sat up gazing at Alex.

"What?" Alex asked, her cheeks rosy from the way Olivia was looking at her.

"You've kept all your promises," Olivia said, now twirling an end of Alex's blonde hair around her finger. "To me, to Noah."

"I can't screw this up. If you knew what it took for me to show up at your apartment that night… I knew it was my last chance to be with you. To be truly happy. And I needed you to know that there was a piece of me missing without you. I also, needed you to know that I understood what was at stake. That it wasn't just you and me anymore, that Noah was a part of the equation."

"When you sent those flowers, showed up at my apartment, I was so scared, and God, I was so happy. It was such a relief to my heart to see your face, but my brain was telling me you would break me again. I had Noah, he has made up for all the bad things that have happened to me, all the emptiness and disappointment…"

"It was so hard knowing, living with myself knowing I was another disappointment in your life."

"I had Noah and letting you in seemed like the worst thing that could happen to this little bubble I was trying so hard to protect, but seeing you… The only reason you were ever a disappointment was because we couldn't get it right."

"I'll never break my promise to you and Noah."

"I don't want you to say that. It's too big of a promise."

"Then day by day ok?"

"Yeah, day by day."

Olivia leaned in kissing Alex, slowly, but passionately.

"Thank you for bringing us here."

"You don't know what it means to that you're here with me."

"Even my moment of a complete breakdown?"

"The moments I spend with you and Noah, the good ones, and the bad ones, it just makes things deeper and stronger. I know every day won't be perfect. Not here, not at home, but having you both with me feels so right and so good.I'm happy. I'm really happy."

Olivia smiled.

"So am I. I really am."

"Good that's what I want.

"And I really do love it here. Besides you spoiling us, this place, it just has a peace about it."

"My mother thought so too."

"She created a wonderful place."

"It's a place for us now."

"I love you, Alex."

"I love you too babe."

Olivia snaked her hands under Alex's thin sweater feeling her warm skin beneath, "should we get dressed?" Olivia teased.

"We certainly should not! Especially with your hands where they are now." Alex said moving in even closer, straddling Olivia's lap, kissing her lips, then down her neck.

"Can we stay here forever?"

Alex let out a sultry laugh.

"Not quite for forever, but let's make it last as long as we can."

"Good enough I suppose," Olivia said capturing Alex's lips again, her hands roaming under the waist of Alex's yoga pants.

"If you go much further I won't be able to stop," Alex warned.

Olivia grinned, her hand sliding under Alex's panties to her core.

Alex took a deep quick breath reveling in Olivia dipping her fingers between her wet folds.

"God, Liv…"

Alex began to rock back and forth, unable to stop herself as she buried her head in Olivia's shoulder.

"That's it, baby.

"God, baby you feel so good."

Alex had let loose, her orgasm churning. She couldn't stop, she wouldn't until she came.

Olivia slid two fingers inside of her and Alex bit lightly on the skin of Olivia's neck.

"Another one," Alex breathed, trying her best not to scream.

Olivia did as she was told and slid a third finger inside her.

"Oh! Fuck yes."

Wet.

Olivia's fingers glided in and out of Alex, her hand causing friction against her clit.

"Come for me baby."

Alex rode Olivia's hand harder, pushing in deeper.

Her body shuttered.

Olivia moving her hand now slightly, causing aftershocks until Alex couldn't take it anymore.

Alex collapsed against Olivia.

"That was so incredibly sexy. I almost came just watching you."

Alex was still holding on to Olivia, giving her light kisses against the lobe of her ear.

"You're right. Let's stay here forever."


	15. Chapter 15

I'm slow I know! Thank you all for your favs, follows and replies I appreciate them! -Mel

Ch. 15

"Drink?"

Olivia looked up to see the always impeccably dressed attorney standing in the doorway of her office.

"Can't, need to get home."

"You've been rushing out of here a lot lately." 

"Barba, I do have a kid."

"And the long weekend on Martha's vineyard?" 

"I am allowed to take a vacation." she bantered.

"Mmmhmm."

"What?"

"Spill," Barba said closing the door behind him.

"It's almost 7. I'm missing Noah's bedtime."

"Ok, so you have a few minutes."

Olivia stopped shuffling the papers on her desk, her focus now to her computer screen, not giving Barba the satisfaction of her full attention.

"You want to gossip about my love life?"

"So it IS about your love life. Should have known, especially with the secret phone calls…"

"Secret phone calls really?"

"You're not that stealthy Benson."

Olivia finally looked up.

"Barba."

"Oh come on Liv."

Olivia took a deep breath, looking over her dark rimmed glasses, her fingers paused over the keys on her computer.

"Yes."

"Yes, what?" 

Olivia rolled her eyes.

"Yes, I'm seeing someone."

"Elaborate."

"Look. it's just something I want to keep private for now. It's hard enough as it is being the Lieutenant of this squad and trying to have any sort of private life.

"Well, it must be pretty serious if he's taking you and the kid to Martha's Vineyard for a long weekend. And surely he's not a cop. Cops can't afford Martha's Vineyard."

"Are you done?"

"Hardly."

"Yes, I am seeing someone."

"You already admitted that." 

"And no, not a cop."

"Liv, just please give me a heads up if it's a conflict of…"

"It's not!"

"Then why are you so secretive?"

"I told you why. I told you I just want to have a private life."

"Interesting."

"I have to go.

"To meet your rich lover?"

"To read my son a bedtime story."

"I'll get it out of you. You'll slip up."

"Good Luck."

"Oh! A challenge."

"Walk out with me?"

"Thought you'd never ask." Barba grinned slyly.

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO

"Alex! Babe!" Olivia laid her keys and her purse on the small table in the entryway. "I'm sorry I'm late. I got caught up with Barba. He's on to me…" Olivia made a dead stop seeing the stranger sitting on Alex's couch. "Oh, I'm sorry I didn't know we had company."

WE

Alex now standing by the couch in her leggings, t-shirt, bare feet, and a cardigan she probably had quickly thrown on, Olivia knowing Alex's bra was the first thing to be off when she got home… Alex obviously was not expecting company either.

Before Alex could make an introduction, Noah ran towards Olivia distracting the situation.

"Mama!"

"Hi baby," Olivia said lifting her son into her arms with a kiss, and then settling him to her hip.

"I'm sorry, I'm Olivia," she said politely.

The woman stood, setting down her glass of wine before reaching for Olivia's extended hand.

"Yes, I assumed you were, I'm Sydney."

Sydney.

Olivia looked at Alex.

Well, that explained Alex's demeanor.

Explained the unspoken uneasiness.

"Oh... nice to meet you, Sydney."

"Liv, Sydney just got in from Paris."

"Oh, beautiful city.

Olivia wasn't sure of the words coming from her mouth.

What was she supposed to say?

"I was there shooting for Vogue," Sydney bragged.

"Wow, that must be thrilling," Olivia played along.

"Not a cover piece…"

"Still very impressive."

"I thought I would stop by, see how Alexandra was doing. She and I hadn't spoken in a while. I now know why" Sydney said clearly giving Olivia another once over. "I'm glad she finally got the courage to get her girl. Seems to have worked out."

Alex moved towards Olivia's side, placing her hand possessively around Olivia's hips. "Yes, lucky for me it has worked out. I'm very happy. I'm the luckiest woman in the world for Olivia to give me a chance."

"And a ready-made family," Sydney said eyeing Noah. "Alex, I've never even seen you near a child."

"Actually, I'm quite smitten with Noah. Like his mother, he's easy to fall in love with," Alex said soothing Noah's hair as his head now rested on his mama's shoulder.

Olivia smirked to herself the way that Alex was laying it on thick.

"I see you two had already poured a glass of wine. I don't want to interrupt your visit."

"You're not," Alex said quickly.

"I really should at least get Noah to bed."

Alex's eyes widened.

"His things in the spare bedroom?" Olivia continued.

Alex nodded yes, and Olivia then leaned in giving Alex a quick kiss.

"Go ahead, I'll be back shortly."

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO

Alex clearly was surprised to see Sydney and definitely not thrilled to have Olivia and Sydney in the same room together, much less her own living room.

Instead, of doing something or saying something she would regret, Olivia opted to tend to Noah. Whatever needed to be said between Alex and Sydney they could do so on their own.

It was between them.

3 is a crowd.

Olivia had made her way to Alex's spare bedroom. Noah had slept there now quite a few times and Alex clearly had the routine down as she had padded the queen sized bed with pillows, making a spot in the middle for Noah. A small lamp on the dresser already lit for his night light.

Alex already suggested, and surprisingly hadn't insisted that they get Noah a proper bed for when they spent the night.

Olivia joked, 'why didn't they just move in together?' and Alex responded with a sassy, 'because if I asked you to move in with me you would freak out. I'll let you do the asking.'

She had left Olivia's mouth gaping open with that response.

Olivia could have predicted how her relationship with Alex might go. She didn't predict how easy it was for Alex to fall in love with Noah too.

Alex had mentioned several times that she knew Noah was a part of the deal, Olivia had just had never expected that not only was Alex great with Noah, volunteered to take care of Noah, but here in her perfect apartment on her perfect white sheets she had made the perfect makeshift bed for a toddler with plans to "go shopping" because he needed a "proper bed"

Olivia took her her time getting Noah to sleep.

She had pulled off her blazer, her boots left just inside the door. She untucked her shirt undoing half the buttons down her chest.

Her baby boy was now sound asleep and Olivia couldn't bring herself to go make small talk with Alex's ex-lover.

She sat in the chair watching her boy, cursing the open bottle of wine that was sitting on the counter that was in the same room as the ex.

"I made dinner. Obviously, it's cold now. I could warm it up, try and salvage it." Alex whispered.

"Not really hungry."

"Luckily I got Noah to eat earlier."

"She's gone?"

"Said to tell you 'avoir'" Alex said rolling her eyes.

Olivia looked up at Alex.

"Come into the living room, I'll fix you a glass of wine? Or a whiskey?"

Olivia got up, taking a last look to Noah sleeping peacefully before following Alex

"Sorry, I bailed on you," Olivia said guiltily.

"That was a save yourself moment. I don't blame you." Alex said pouring Olivia a glass of wine.

Olivia grinned.

"That was an unexpected visit, to say the least."

"If you could have only seen the look on my face when I opened the door," Alex said making her way to the couch, tugging at Olivia's hand to follow.

"So she's back from Paris?"

"So she says."

"Were you her first stop?"

Alex sighed, "I didn't ask."

"So how's the weather in Paris?"

"Cute Liv."

"Well, I assumed that's all you talked about."

"Actually, we talked mostly about you."

Olivia looked at Alex.

"As suspected, she came to see if THE Olivia Benson in the flesh. I think Sydney figured she had a good chance at meeting you tonight." Alex gave a slight grin, " I guess she did have more confidence in me than I thought. That I would get the courage to see you, to actually tell you how much I loved you."

"But why would she want to meet me? Surely it is just as awkward for her?"

"Curiosity of meeting the woman I couldn't get over. Or she's plotting your death."

"Ha ha, Alex!" What if she is? What if she wants her hot blonde ex-girlfriend back?" Olivia half teased.

"Well, she can't have me… and by the way, I'm glad I didn't know you were wearing that bra when you walked in tonight" Alex said eyeing the sheer material and voluptuous peaks of her breasts.

I'm glad I didn't take my clothes off before coming into the living room. Usually, I'm stripping down before I even make it out of the entryway"

"But then Sydney would have understood my mad unwavering lust for you," Alex said crawling on to Olivia's lap starting to unbutton the few buttons that remained on Olivia's shirt

"Really Alex, you're in the mood?"

"You put me in the mood," Alex said kissing Olivia's jaw line. "I'm thinking about our morning on the couch on Martha's Vineyard and I'm remembering how hot it was, and how I owe you a proper thank you."

Alex had a way of putting Olivia under her spell

She was certain Olivia had a million more questions about Sydney, she knew the detective in her would.

"I don't want to talk about our unexpected guest anymore tonight. I want to do to you what I had planned to do," Alex said slithering herself to the floor and quickly unzipping Olivia's pants. Alex body between Olivia's legs, Alex pulling Olivia forward further down the couch.

Pants gone, Olivia exposed.

Alex kissing her bikini line.

"Is that ok with you lieutenant?"

Olivia's head fell back against the couch in anticipation of the feel of Alex's mouth.

There were no more questions about Sydney, at least, not tonight.


	16. Chapter 16

Ch. 16

Alex woke up to a sticky note.

Olivia had gone for a run, hoping to be back before Noah woke up.

Alex had hoped to wake up with Olivia in her arms, especially after last night's emotional rollercoaster.

She wanted a Saturday with Liv and Noah and no surprise visits from the past.

Alex pulled the covers closer around her. It wasn't that reassuring that Olivia had gone on a run.

Between Noah and work, Olivia didn't exactly have a running routine, and Alex knew when she usually went for a run it was to clear her head and even try and outrun what was chasing her.

Last night was chasing Alex, she could only hope it wasn't chasing Olivia.

A little face peaked through the crack in the door.

"Lex?" His voice said quietly.

"Good morning sweetheart," Alex said as she sat up, holding her arms out to tousled haired little boy.

"Where's mama?"

"She went for a run, she'll be back soon. Wanna come get in bed and snuggle and watch cartoons until she comes back?"

Noah made his way to the bed quickly doing his best to climb in bed as Alex gave him the help he needed.

He snuggled in next the her as Alex flipped through the channels finding familiar cartoon faces.

"This one?"

"I like this one!" Noah confirmed.

"Ok, me too," Alex said, wrapping her arms around Noah.

Noah still lay there contently, even though he heard the front door open and close.

Alex's eyes went to the door and waited for Olivia to appear.

"Well there you two are," Olivia said with a grin on her face, two cups of coffee in her hands.

"Hi Mama! We watch the cartoons."

"I see that! You look comfy in that big bed next to Lex."

"We comfy. Right Lex!"

"Right baby!."

Olivia handed Alex her coffee before sitting on the side of the bed next to them.

"Good run?"

"Yeah," was all Olivia said before taking another sip of her coffee. "I'm going to take a quick shower," Olivia said kissing Alex and then leaning over her for a kiss to Noah's head.

Alex reached tugging Olivia's ponytail lightly.

"Too bad I can't take that shower with you," Alex whispered, looking intently at Olivia.

Olivia grinned, and mouthed, "too bad".

"Noah, how about we go fix breakfast while mama is in the shower?"

"We make pandacakes?"

"Yep! And you know what we can make them look like Mickey Mouse!"

"We can?" Noah's eyes widened.

"You can?" Olivia teased.

"Sure!" Alex said confidently as she got out of bed, Noah following along.

Olivia headed for the shower, grinning, only slightly questioning Alex's confidence in her pancake shapes.

"Ok bud, we have to be really careful the stove is hot."

"Hot!" Noah repeated.

"You sit up here on the counter and you hold the spoon and bowl for me ok?"

Alex had handed Noah a plastic bowl and spatula for him to "play with" while she tried to master Mickey Mouse ears.

Noah sat crossed legged happily and occasionally clanging his spatula and bowl, but more so interested in what Alex was doing.

"Ok Noah what do you think?" Alex said scooping up the pancake and putting on the awaiting plate.

"Mickey! Noah squealed, Alex was quite proud of herself as well.

Olivia appeared in Alex's white robe. Her olive skin a great contrast, her hair still damp from only being towel dried.

"How's it going in here?"

"Look mama! Mickey!"

"Wow, look at that!"

"And for you," Alex said handing Olivia pancakes in the shape of slightly mis-shapen hearts.

Olivia couldn't help but grin, even blushing a little.

Olivia sat with Noah at the Kitchen counter and Alex leaning against the counter on the other side as they ate.

"I'm impressed with your talents Cabot. I have to admit I didn't know if these were going to turn out so well."

"I didn't either," Alex admitted.

Olivia laughed and Noah mimicked her.

After they were through, Noah was off to play with the toys that had quickly collected over the last few months in Alex's living room.

"More coffee?" Alex asked as Olivia put the dishes in the dishwasher.

"No, thanks, I'm fine."

"Alex sat down at the counter watching Olivia.

"What?" Olivia asked feeling Alex's eyes on her.

"Should we talk about Sydney?"

Olivia closed the door to the dishwasher and made her way to the opposite side of the counter, across from Alex.

"Should we?"

"I just don't want anything between us."

"Should I be concerned she may come between us?"

"No, no absolutely not! It was just her coming around last night, showing up out of the blue, it was odd."

"She didn't know we were together?"

"I haven't spoken to her, I didn't even know where she was."

"You said you thought it was curiosity."

"And I do, I hope I do."

"Did she say anything to make you think otherwise?"

"She could have been curious if I was single or if that I was finally with you. I mean I guess that could make sense why she just showed up."

"I think I will have more coffee, want some?"

Diversion tactic.

Alex had felt Olivia being distant since seeing Sydney last night.

Olivia was one to put her guard up, protect herself, her heart.

And she had given it all to Alex so quickly this time around.

"Liv, babe… she's just an ex-girlfriend."

"I know."

"I love you. I want you. I've always, always wanted you. Sydney, anyone from our past showing up in our lives are still just people of the past."

"I know."

"Maybe walking in seeing, seeing her, I guess I was jealous. And I guess now I know what she has over me,"

"She has nothing over you!"

"Alex, she's beautiful and worldly, she's more like you."

"I don't want some like me, I want someone like you."

"Just seeing her with you..."

"No, Liv, she was seeing me with you. She didn't like it."

Olivia looked at Alex.

"She didn't like it?" 

"Sydney wants what Sydney can't have. And she can't have me."

Olivia swallowed the lump in her throat.

"So is she here in New York now?"

"She said for a while."

"Great."

"Liv."

Olivia took a deep breath.

"I'm going to get Noah dressed. He has a haircut this afternoon and we should probably go home first."

Alex's eyes watered, and she tried desperately not to let the tears fall down her cheeks, though Olivia had already walked away.


	17. Chapter 17

Guys, I'm so sorry it takes me forever to get updates to you! Thanks for sticking with me, the stories unfolding! -Mel

Ch. 17

"What was the big deal?"

"An ex-girlfriend… the only ex-girlfriend had shown up out of the blue at Alex's apartment, they shared a glass of wine, mostly talked about me. I'm being ridiculous!"

Olivia shifted on the bench uncomfortably.

"And what if it was an old boyfriend? Or what if the roles were reversed and it was someone from my past? When did I become such a jealous, crazy woman?"

Olivia's jaw clenched.

"Mama!"

Olivia broke her train of thought to see the grinning little boy waving wildly at her.

"I see you! You're doing so good!"

Olivia had enrolled Noah in pre-school soccer.

He loved it. He showed signs of being a really good player and he liked playing with the other kids...

There she was watching her little boy, thankful she could be here on a Sunday afternoon and not plowing through paperwork. And though her eyes were watching her son running up and down the field, in his knee high socks and oversized yellow jersey she was thinking about Sydney.

The ex-girlfriend.

The ex-girlfriend, Alex had discovered who she was with, her sexuality with, to be out with.

That ex-girlfriend.

She and Noah had spent last night at home.

That wasn't such an abnormality but in the last few months, it hadn't been just the two of them.

Today, at breakfast, at soccer, someone was noticeably missing...

Noah had asked, 'where Lex was? Why Lex didn't read him his bedtime story? Did Lex not want to eat dinner with us? Was Lex coming to watch me play soccer?"

'No, not tonight, no, not today."

Olivia had finally responded to Alex's texts, she told her, "she just needed a minute".

That was yesterday.

What was the big deal?

There wasn't any doubt that she loved Alex.

That she was in love with Alex. And the last few months had been amazing.

What was it about Sydney that spooked her? And why was she taking it out on Alex?

"Mind if I sit?"

Olivia's view was obstructed by the blonde standing in front of her.

"Alex, what are you doing here?"

"And miss his first game?"

Olivia gave a soft smile as she made room for her to sit closely beside her.

"I was hoping you wouldn't object to me being here."

Olivia reached out her hand, hooking her pinky finger with Alex's.

"No… and I was foolish to not ask if you were coming."

"I knew he would be disappointed if I didn't. I would be disappointed if I didn't get to see him play."

Olivia shook her her understanding. "He asked if were you coming…"

It was Alex turn to give a satisfied smile as she bumped her knee against Olivia's.

"We can talk about it later, but we need to talk. I won't let you stay mad at me," Alex said, to the point, her eyes still on the bright blue and yellow jersey's zig-zagging across the field.

"I know we do and Alex, I'm not mad at you. Truthfully, I'm having a hard time articulating what my issue is."

"Well good to know you're not mad at me, but we have to figure out then what's really bothering you?"

"What's scaring me," Olivia blurted.

Alex looked at Olivia, but she was interrupted before she could say anything else.

"Lex! Lex! You saw me play soccer!" Noah said jumping into Alex's arms.

"Hi, sweetheart!" Alex said scooping Noah up. "Yes, I did! You're such a good player!" Alex said excitedly, leaving Olivia with her thoughts.

Olivia stood up with the rest of the parents, gathering Noah's things, Alex followed w Noah.

"Want to walk with us?" Olivia gestured.

Noah ran ahead as they made their way towards the park exit.

"Hey Noah, not too far, ok baby?"

Noah slowed his skipping and hopping along, listening to his mother.

"Maybe we could have an early dinner? We can really talk?"

"Alex, I have to go in early tomorrow and I'm just trying to give Noah as much time as I can."

Alex stopped walking, staring Olivia down.

"Liv, what are you doing?"

"What do you mean what am I doing?"

"Why are you doing this? Distancing yourself? Nothing happened. For God sakes, you were there!"

"Alex, I just want to spend time with my son ok?"

Alex shook her head in disbelief.

She bit her bottom lip, thinking.

"Olivia," she said drawing a breath, "I don't know how else to prove how much I love you."

Alex looked away, then called out to Noah.

He came running into her arms.

"I need to go, sweetheart, you and Mama have fun the rest of the afternoon ok?"

"Why you go Lex? You can play wid us?"

"I know, but you and Mama need to spend time together. I'll see you real soon."

Alex kissed Noah's cheek and hugged him tightly goodbye and then stood facing Olivia.

"Whatever time you need, I'll give to you. Whatever is scaring you, I'm right here to be with you. I love you, Olivia."

And with that, Alex said goodbye to Noah one last time and then walked away.


	18. Chapter 18

You guys! Your replies were ridiculously amazing. I love your thought processes. I love how passionate you are about both Alex and Olivia. I truly was inspired to get this chapter to you as soon as I could! -Mel

Ch. 18.

"When did you start drinking bourbon on the rocks, Alexandra?"

Sydney sipped her chardonnay and then leaned in closer as if she were intrigued.

Alex looked down at her hand, molded around the glass of brown liquid. "Olivia. She drinks bourbon on the rocks. I guess, I just got in the habit of having the same."

Sydney noticeably sat back in her chair at the mention of Olivia's name.

"How is Olivia?"

"She's good."

Alex wasn't sure if she was lying or not. She didn't know if Olivia was good.

They had texted back and forth the last few days, but they were only polite exchanges.

No holding each other, no making love, no morning coffee, no I love you's.

"Well, I will say you weren't exaggerating, Olivia is a beautiful woman. I can see why you pined after her for all of these years."

"She is beautiful," Alex confirmed suspiciously.

"You know I had to see for myself?"

"I assumed that's why you showed up at my apartment the other night."

"I came to your apartment because I wanted to see you. Meeting the famed Olivia Benson was sheer coincidence."

Alex gave Sydney a look.

"What? It was!"

"Ok, ok."

"And It was rude of me not to ask, should we call Olivia, invite her to join us?"

It was rude and intentional.

"No, she's with Noah. She tries to steal every moment she can with him."

She could be lying again. Alex made the assumption she was with Noah.

"Oh, I don't blame her I guess. Such an adorable little kid."

"He's perfect," Alex said giving a genuine smile.

"Being a Lieutenant of Special Victims, and having a kid must take a lot of her time. You two probably don't get much time together, much less alone time."

Alex took another sip of her bourbon.

"We actually spend a lot of time together, and we make alone time work. I love being with Noah. He's won my heart, so any chance to spend time with them…"

"I guess I just couldn't believe I was seeing Alexandra Cabot with a 3-year-old. Much less being left in charge of one in her apartment."

"I am a capable adult Sydney."

"I know, I'm sorry that's not what I meant."

"I know what you meant, and you're right. I wasn't the most maternal woman, but when you're with someone you love, and part of that package is a charming, smart, and funny little boy, you forget your fear or whatever instincts you think you don't have and you dive right in."

"Well, he seemed very fond, and attached to you."

"It's mutual."

"Is Olivia still dealing with what happened to her? With that serial killer?" Sydney asked the question almost nonchalantly.

"She's fine," Alex said realizing she had stopped breathing momentarily. "Can we not talk about that? You know, it's not a comfortable subject for anyone."

"I'm sorry Alexandra. I was just inquiring if she was ok."

"I know, thank you, I appreciate your concern."

"Ok then, enough of Olivia," Sydney said reaching for Alex's hand.

Alex looked down, noticeably looking at Sydney touching her, before pulling her hand away as the waiter arrived.

They both ordered another drink and a few appetizers.

"So any interesting photoshoots coming up?" Alex said changing the subject.

"My agent insists I do this upcoming shoot with Karlie Kloss. Has everyone not already photographed her?"

"I wouldn't know really."

"You know me, I'm always looking for something raw, undiscovered."

"This is true." Alex agreed.

"Not that you aren't a brilliant attorney, but you know I've always thought with that body of yours, you would have been an amazing model. You wear clothes so well, and of course, I remember fondly what you look like underneath those clothes."

She said now eyeing the "v" of Alex's somewhat sheer black blouse and the black lace below it.

"Sydney!"

Alex was blushing.

Sydney used to insist on taking photos of Alex and though Alex would never admit that the subject in front of the camera is what made the picture beautiful, Sydney truly did have a way of making her look and feel like a model in those pictures.

"Oh come on Alex!" Sydney said reaching for Alex bare knee, "you know how beautiful you are. If you've forgotten, obviously that woman of yours is not telling you enough."

Alex blushed again.

"She tells me all the time."

"Well good, because you've only gotten more beautiful."

Sydney's hand hadn't moved from Alex's knee.

"Well, I'm sure you'll photograph Ms. Kloss like no other," Alex said before the waiter brought their next drink and Alex was to break their skin on skin connection.

"Oh I meant to tell you, Claudette said, "dites à Alexandra qu'elle est manquée et que Paris n'était jamais la même sans elle ( _*tell Alexandra that she is missed and that Paris was never the same without he_ r). She also made a comment about missing something about your lips, but I ignored that." Sydney said grinning as she tossed her red hair.

"I do miss her. The three of us laughed so much!"

"I'm trying to talk her into coming to New York while I'm here. Maybe now that she knows Alexandra Cabot has resurfaced maybe she'll actually get on the plane!"

Appetizers came, dinner and more drinks were ordered.

The night became easier, like old times.

Sydney was out and open.

She was proud and passionate.

She was intoxicating.

They stepped out on the street, the valet had a cab waiting for Alex.

"I had a great time tonight. Just like old times," Sydney said as she kissed Alex's cheek. "Let's do this again soon." She said stepping back, giving Alex no room to object to the kiss.

And to give no mention of an open invitation to Olivia.

Alex got in the cab, giving Sydney a quick wave of her hand, goodbye.

She gave her address to the driver and stared straight ahead.

She had forgotten how easy it was with Sydney, how Sydney could make her feel like the only woman in the world.

Alex leaned her head back on the seat, now thinking of the woman she so desperately loved.

The woman who 'needed a minute'.

"Ms. we're here."

Alex looked up her apartment building in front of her. "Oh thank you," she said paying and exiting the cab.

She stood on the sidewalk momentarily, bourbon still tingling her body.

She turned to look down the street, in Olivia's direction before making her way inside and to bed, alone.


	19. Chapter 19

Ch 19.

Olivia sat behind the wheel of the cruiser, her eyes on the road in front of her. She was quiet, supposedly listening as Amanda talked.

"...what do you think Liv?"

No answer.

"Liv? Hey, earth to Olivia!"

"Hmm? Yeah."

Amanda studied Olivia - her hands at 9 and 3, she had yet to blink.

"Is everything ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

Her voice didn't sound fine.

"You just seem like you're somewhere else."

Amanda watched her let out the deep breath she didn't know Olivia was holding.

"I know whatever is bothering you is none of my business…"

"I'm just thinking about what a fucking idiot I am." Olivia interrupted.

"That's pretty harsh."

"Sometimes the truth hurts."

"Does this have anything to do with Alex?"

Her first guess.

"Amanda…"

"I know, and it's fine if you don't want to talk about it."

Olivia shook her head.

She shook her head to whatever conversation was going on in her head, not to Amanda.

"I don't really know what to talk about. I'm being an idiot. I'm sabotaging a relationship with the love of my life."

Amanda was surprised Olivia was opening up the way she was.

Surprised she referred to Alex as the love of her life.

"What do you mean sabotaging?"

"Last Saturday, I walked out on Alex."

"Ok," Amanda said puzzled, trying to piece together Olivia's vagueness.

"I was being self-deprecating, and jealous, and really just kind of crazy, and I walked out on her."

"Have you seen her, spoke to her?"

"She came to Noah's soccer game on Sunday. We talked, she assured me how much she loved me… since we've texted… that's it."

"So all of this is you having cold feet? Or you thinking that Alex is going to leave you?"

Olivia pulled into a space in the precinct parking garage.

She sat quietly for a moment and Amanda waited for her response.

"Alex's ex-girlfriend showed up out of the blue last Friday night. Alex had Noah and we were going to have a late dinner…"

"And the Ex was there when you got to Alex's?"

"It was completely innocent. They were sitting opposites of each other having a glass of wine and conversation, Alex says, was mostly about me."

"So did something else happen?"

"You know how you just have a feeling about someone? I mean it didn't help that she was beautiful and worldly, but she just made a few snarky comments that rubbed me the wrong way, and I don't know… I could be making a whole lot of nothing a huge deal, but if she came that night to reconnect with Alex and rattle me, it worked."

"Ok, so even if she did, Alex loves you, she's with you…"

"And she's told me that fifty times since Friday."

"Sorry Liv if I'm being dense…"

"No, you're not. It's that silly. And it's not Alex. I believe how much she loves me. Like I said something about Sydney showing up out of the blue threw me in a tailspin."

"And you're taking it out on Alex?"

"Yeah…"

"Liv."

"I think I'm just used to everyone leaving me at some point. I even told Alex when we started seeing each other again, I couldn't do our song and dance anymore where she leaves… " Olivia ran the tips her fingers along the steering wheel. "I guess when I saw this roadblock, my insecurities all came rushing back. And before she broke my heart again, I put up my shield to protect myself."

"And you shut down and shut her out?"

Olivia shook her head.

"You trust Alex don't you?"

"Of course I do, it's Sydney I don't trust."

"So has Alex seen Sydney again?"

"No, well not that I know of."

"Liv, I can give you the pep talk if you need one."

Olivia gave Amanda a small smirk.

"Can I be honest with you?" Amanda asked sincerely.

"Of course."

"Girlfriend, there is always going to be competition. Get your head out of your ass and go talked to Alex. You guys have been through too much together, and separately for a woman that Alex doesn't seem to have any further interest in to come between you. You're making yourself miserable!"

Olivia sat for a minute in silence.

"You're right. I'm miserable, she's miserable…"

"Head out of ass!"

Olivia looked over at Amanda.

"I'll talk to her tonight."

"Good."

Amanda gathered her things and pulled the latch to the car door, before exiting she took one last look at Olivia.

"And if you needs someone to kick this ex-girlfriend's ass, we Southern girls know how to fight." Amanda teased as she gave a wink.

Olivia smiled, "Thanks, Amanda."

"Anytime."

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

Alex pushed the yellow legal pad away from her. The notes she had made didn't amount to much. Her mind was clouded by having dinner with Sydney, and of course Olivia.

Nothing happened.

Nothing for Alex to feel guilty about.

That was Sydney.

Flirty.

And there was no doubt Sydney was flirting, putting her hand on her knee, touching her hand throughout the night, the lingering kiss to the cheek as they said goodbye.

But it was harmless.

That was Sydney.

She knew this.

She knew the game.

Sydney always wanted what Sydney couldn't have.

And she can't have her.

Alex tapped the keys of her keyboard making her computer come alive.

She tried to focus on her inbox.

Maybe she had dinner with Sydney to prove that there was nothing between them.

Maybe she did it because Olivia was being ridiculous and she was allowed to see her friend, even if she was her ex-girlfriend if she wanted.

"Alex shut up." she mumbled.

Her phone vibrated once against the desk.

She sighed turning her phone over, reading the text message.

Liv: "Still at work? Home? Mind if I come by?"

Alex opened the message to respond.

Alex: "I'm at the office. Will let security know, you're coming."

"I'll be there in 30?"

"I'll be here."

It wasn't a warm conversation, but the fact that they were speaking err texting was good.

At least that's what Alex hoped.

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

Alex recognized Security downstairs' number as her office phone rang, "Ms. Cabot, Lieutenant Benson is here for you."

"Thanks, James."

Alex tried not to seem too anxious as she waited for Olivia to make her way up.

She found herself standing, then sitting down again, crossing and uncrossing her legs.

"Hi."

Alex looked up to Olivia standing in her doorway. Her hair in soft curls, her bronze skin.

Olivia looked beautiful, God, she looked beautiful.

"Hi."

"Can I come in?"

"Oh yes, of course! Do you want to sit?"

"Um yeah, I could." Olivia looked over to the leather couch. "Will you sit with me?"

Alex made her way towards Olivia unsure if she should sit close or on the opposite side of the couch. She wanted so badly to sit close feel her thigh against Olivia's, brush her hand, smell the scent of her shampoo…

Alex sat, giving distance between them,

As she was rambling in her head she noticed Olivia was fidgeting.

"Did you want to talk?"

Olivia let out a breathy laugh all knowing how awkward the situation had become.

"Yeah, um Alex, I've been an idiot."

"Liv…" Alex began.

"No, Alex, really. You are the most amazing woman. I love you so much. And seeing Sydney the other night. Seeing her with you, I don't know it just rattled me. And all of my insecurities, my Achilles Heel of people leaving came flooding back."

"I'm pretty sure I made it clear I wasn't leaving you ever again. That you're stuck with me"

"You have. You've made that clear from day one. And I just… I'm an idiot, and I'm so sorry."

"Liv, baby don't do this to yourself."

"I shouldn't do this to you! I know i'm overreacting, I just don't trust her Alex, and maybe I'm insecure, maybe it's my past catching up with me, but I don't trust her and my gut reaction was to put up a wall and protect myself."

"Liv, Sydney was just being Sydney. She doesn't like that I'm so madly in love with you. She's jealous that I fell in love with Noah. That you give me what she couldn't."

"Does it bother you that she was so surprised that you had taken to Noah or that we're happy?"

"It bothers me, that she bothers you. I know Sydney. And I promise she's harmless. You have nothing to worry about, I love you so much."

God why did Alex promise?

Olivia reached for Alex's hand, "I love you too and I'm sorry."

She leaned in, kissing Alex softly.

Alex responded with a deeper kiss, her hand moving to Olivia's neck, Olivia to Alex's hip.

"I've missed you." Olivia breathed

"Can we not do that not seeing each other thing again?"

"I agree," Olivia smiled. "I did promise I would have drinks with Barba tonight, but maybe we could have dinner tomorrow?"

Alex returned a smile, "Yeah that would be great."

They began to kiss again.

"I should go."

"Should you?"

Olivia stole another kiss.

"I'll text you tonight when I get home. And see you tomorrow after work?"

Alex smiled. "It's a date."


	20. Chapter 20

Sorry guys for the delay had some personal things to take care of... I haven't forgotten about this story! Thanks so much for your comments :) -Mel

Ch. 20

"I'm surprised you even agreed to drinks. You've been so preoccupied with your secret lover…

"Secret lover? Really, Barba you make me sound a lot more intriguing than I am."

"Oh, you're intriguing Benson."

"Are we going to do this the whole night?"

"Not the whole night," He teased, taking another sip of his scotch.

"Subject change please," Olivia asked, rolling her eyes.

"Just tell me you're blissfully happy and that I'll be invited to your wedding in the south of France, and I'll let it be."

"It's complicated".

Barba sat up straight in his chair.

"Oh God Liv. Did you break his heart already? You saying, 'it's complicated' is like impending doom."

"Wow... really?" She mocked being hurt.

"You have a pattern."

"Change the subject."

"Fine," Barba said rolling his own eyes, "Judge Robinson will be presiding over the Lovell case."

"Good, she's not very sympathetic, maybe this time we can keep Lovell in jail."

"Well, the bastard should have never had a chance for parole in the first place."

"He had Judge Watkins in his pocket."

"That's why I insisted another Judge be put on the case."

Before Olivia could respond her eyes paused on the woman walking towards her.

Barba turned a tall red haired beauty coming towards them.

"Well… isn't this a coincidence seeing you here."

"Of all the bars in the city," Olivia mumbled under her breath, "Sydney... Hello."

"Hello, Olivia and who's your friend here?"

Barba looked at Olivia, noticing that Olivia looked as if she were either going to crawl out of her skin or get into a fist fight.

A deep breath.

"This is our ADA, Rafael Barba." Olivia looked at Barba, not taking her eyes from him. "This is Sydney Harper"

Barba extended his hand politely to Sydney.

"I'm sorry you couldn't join Alexandra and me for dinner the other night. She said you were home with your little son. I hope he is well." Olivia didn't respond, her mind starting to race." Anyway, I must admit I think we both may have had too much to drink, it was just like old times. But, I'm sure she told you all about it. Maybe next time you two lovebirds can both join me since I'm now in the city."

Barba's eyes widened.

"I'm joining some friends for drinks. It was good to see you, and give Alexandra all my love."

Olivia gave a smirk that somewhat resembled a smile, before politely saying goodbye to Sydney.

Olivia just sat there as Sydney walked away.

Not watching her, just more starting out into space.

"Who the hell was that and what the hell was that all about? You were cold as ice the moment she walked… Liv?

By the time Barba glanced again at Olivia, she was clearly blinking back tears

"Liv?"

She didn't answer.

Barba stopped, piecing it all together.

"Is she what you mean by complicated?"

Olivia let out a breathy nervous laugh.

"And she did say, Alexandra?... Lovebirds?

"Barba," Olivia warned.

"I think the cats out of the bag Liv."

Olivia looked over at Barba. "So it is."

"Even more intriguing than I thought."

"Can we skip the witty repartee?"

Olivia clearly no longer in any sort of jovial mood.

"Ok, then who's Alexandra?"

Oh God, he didn't know.

A long pause, and before Olivia could think of anything, "wait, wait surely not Alexandra Cabot?"

Barba watched Olivia's body language change.

"Being in the line of replacements for THE Alexandra Cabot, I mean I've heard rumors of the two of you, but just like everyone else I thought…"

"Rumors? And you thought what?"

"That it was maybe just some sexual fantasy someone conjured up that never happened or if anything long since in the past..."

"It was in the past."

"But now you and Alex Cabot?"

Olivia eyes looked away, "yeah."

"I didn't see this one coming Benson."

"Neither did I?"

"But you're together?" Barbra asked wanting confirmation.

"Yes."

"And that woman, Sydney?"

"Alex's ex."

Barba's sat back in his chair.

"Is she a problem?"

Olivia finished what was left of her drink.

"I'm not sure."

Olivia looked around, suddenly hoping Sydney was not in her line of sight now or on her soon to be bolt out the door.

"I'm sorry, I'm going to be bad company."

"Understandable, but maybe you should see Alex, or at least talk to her."

"Yeah maybe so." Olivia reached for her wallet.

"Go, go... " Barba said shooing her away. "I got it."

Olivia stood, her purse on her shoulder, "Um can we keep this between us for now? Tonight, Sydney… Me and Lex."

"Yeah, Liv. I wouldn't…"

"Thank you… I'll see you tomorrow."

Olivia stepped out onto the street. She pulled her phone from her purse - text from Alex.

"Hey, babe - can't wait for tomorrow. I love you so much! Enjoy drinks with Barba."

Olivia felt sick.

I love you so much.

I love you so much.

Sydney.

Olivia texted back, "I hope you enjoyed dinner with Sydney."


	21. Chapter 21

21

It wasn't about a woman scorned, it was about trust.

This had always been one of Olivia's struggles.

Protect herself, because she has always been the one to protect herself.

And now, more importantly, protect Noah.

Her dating life, anything that would confuse Noah, hurt him, interrupt his routine, she would do her best to not be the cause.

Her job was to protect her son.

Alex had called, texted, stopped by her apartment…

Olivia wasn't ready to hear why Alex didn't tell her about her dinner with Sydney.

Olivia had explained her insecurities about Sydney.

She was honest.

Alex knew how she felt and she went to dinner with Sydney and felt it not necessary to tell her.

The dinner may not have been a big deal, but Olivia's trust issues were.

Especially her trust issues with Sydney who obvious has ulterior motives.

This was whether Alex liked it or not.

"We play wid Lex tomorrow ok Mama?"

Noah was standing on the bathroom mat in his Minions underwear. Olivia pushed his head through his t-shirt and then went for his right arm before answering.

"I don't think so baby."

"Why not Mama, I luv Lex."

"I know baby. I love her too. But we can't be together… we can't play together all the time."

"Why not?" He asked inquisitively.

"Because Mama said so."

It was a cold answer and Olivia knew the moment she said it out loud, she regretted it.

Noah's bottom lips poked out as he began to sniffle.

Sniffles became tears, tears into a full on wail.

"Noah, sweetheart, I'm sorry. Mama is sorry. I know you don't understand, but we can't see Alex right now."

"Pease Mama!"

Noah was becoming inconsolable.

Olivia picked Noah up holding him in her arms, trying to soothe him.

"Shhh shh shh, it's ok, it's ok.

Noah finally had stopped crying and buried his face into his mother's neck. His tears stain her own t-shirt.

"Let's get you in you into bed, sweet boy and mama will ready you two stories tonight, ok?"

Olivia felt his head nod in agreement.

Olivia snuggled with Noah in his 'big boy bed' and read to him until his tears were dry and he was fast asleep.

"I'm so sorry baby. I'm so sorry to disappoint you," Olivia said with one last kiss to Noah's forehead.

AOAOAOAOAOAO

Olivia had poured herself a glass of wine, only to leave it sitting on the kitchen counter.

She busied herself picking up Noah's toys, she even cleaned out the fridge.

She gave in.

She told herself a shower would do her good, then she would fall asleep reading.

But Olivia stood in the shower and cried.

She went from rational to irrational.

Spending the day being a Lieutenant, head of her squad, didn't allow her to dwell on what was going on in her personal life. But coming home to her son, making him cry now had her standing in the shower crying.

Over Noah, over Alex, over her issues.

Olivia wiped her tears and washed her hair.

AOAOAOAOAOAOAO

Alex debated.

She was pissed.

Pissed at Sydney, pissed at Olivia, pissed at herself.

She had done everything but stalk Olivia the past few days.

She had held off calling or seeing Sydney.

She couldn't eloquently get past the 'what the fuck" question and then yelling back anything that would resolve the issue.

What the fuck was the issue?

Olivia had trust issues, issues with promises of love that weren't kept, and Sydney was just the person to play on all of those issues and insecurities.

"It was just dinner!" Alex said out loud in her empty living room. "Fuck it all," she then grumbled, instantly regretting her words as she looked over to see a picture of she, Olivia and Noah, taken in front of the docked boats on Martha's Vineyard.

Her arm wrapped around Olivia's waist, holding her close, Noah squished between the two of them, perched on Olivia's hip, his arm over Alex's shoulder.

The only things she had wanted and everything she never knew she wanted right there in that picture.

They looked like a family.

"This can't happen. I can't lose her again."

Alex sorted through a stack of mail she had ignored the past few days.

A padded envelope stuck out of the pile.

Henry, one of the evening doormen had stopped her coming in the night before, telling her someone had dropped the envelope off for her.

Lost in her thoughts, she piled it with the rest of the unopened mail.

Alex sat down at her kitchen counter.

Glass of wine half gone.

"Alexandra Cabot" was written in an almost un-legible handwriting on the front of the large envelope.

Alex pulled the envelope open, careful to what she might find.

She pulled out photographs.

Photos of herself, clothed enough to still be considered tasteful.

"Jesus Sydney! What the fuck are you doing?" Alex said combing through the photos again and again. "Olivia's been right all along…"

Alex jumped up from the counter searching for where she had left her phone.

She paced back and forth waiting for the phone to connect and for the first ring, and then the second…

"You've reached Sydney Harper, I'm unavailable at the moment…"

Alex took a deep breath so her voice would be even and tempered.

"Sydney, it's Alex. We need to talk."

And she hung up the phone.


	22. Chapter 22

Ch. 22

"Lieutenant this was delivered for you yesterday evening." Olivia took the large padded envelope from the young uniformed officer.

"No one saw who dropped it off?" She asked suspiciously.

"It was a courier, Officer Blake signed for it."

Olivia looked through her glasses studying the handwriting of her name written across the front of the envelope, looking for any familiarities.

"Thanks, Myers," Olivia acknowledged before the officer left her, closing the door behind him.

Olivia sat back down at her desk, carefully opening the envelope. She pulled out 8x10 photos, all of Alex.

Her eyes wide, her throat suddenly dry.

No note, nothing written on the back of the photos, just clearly photos of Alex, clearly taken by Sydney.

Olivia shuffled through the photos.

Despite the lump in her throat, Olivia wasn't blind to the sight of Alex in those photos.

How beautiful she was. The sight of familiar body parts being shown poised posed and definitely model like, and seductive.

Why in the hell did Sydney send these?

A knock at her door had her scrambling to shove the photos back into the envelope.

"Yes?"

Carisi opened the door enough to stick his head in, not noticing or at least pretending not to notice the flushed look on Olivia's face.

"Hey, Lieu, we're ready to question Masterson."

"Oh… I'm right behind you," Olivia said, putting the envelope in her drawer.

AOAOAOAOAO

"Alex there is a Sydney Harper here to see you."

Alex stared at the speaker on her desk phone.

"Alex?" Her assistant asked questioningly when she didn't get a response.

A deep infuriating breath.

"Yeah, um yeah send her in. And will you hold my calls."

Alex didn't bother standing to greet Sydney.

At this point as far as Alex was concerned this was not an exchange in pleasantries.

"I hope I'm not interrupting…" Sydney said, sitting down across from Alex.

"A return phone call would have sufficed."

"You're upset with me?"

"Sydney, what are you doing?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Olivia? What are you doing? Why are you intentionally trying to sabotage our relationship?"

"Sabotage? Oh, Alexandra, please. Is this about the photos I sent her?"

"Photos? You sent her those photos of me!"

"You're sexy, stunning in those photos, I wanted her to have a reminder of you."

"A reminder? Why would she need a reminder of me? I'm her girlfriend!"

"For now."

"Jesus Sydney! Stop!"

"Stop what Alexandra? If Olivia can't play the game, she doesn't deserve you. And you don't deserve to have a woman that won't have you as hers at any cost."

Alex shook her head, stumbling on what she was hearing "You want me back?"

"I just don't uproot my life in Paris for just anyone. I love you, Alexandra. I always have."

"And I love Olivia, I always have!" Alex deadpanned.

"Alexandra, I know you've always had a crush on Olivia and she is certainly a beautiful woman, but she can't give you a lifestyle you're accustomed to, a lifestyle you 're out of her league. You know this."

"Sydney, You've always been a bit eccentric, but when did you become bat shit crazy? What part of in love with Olivia, what part of we broke up because I was in love with Olivia is not reality for you?"

"It semantics Alexandra. I have not forgotten why we broke up, nor am I oblivious to the fact that you are in love with Olivia. But at one time you were also in love with me. And when you were in love with me I could and did give you everything. You deserve that Iife. I can give you everything."

"Did you just conjure this up?" Where you lying in bed one night and thought I'll fly to New York, see if Alexandra got the girl and even if she did fuck it up!"

Alex stood up from her desk walking towards the window.

And Sydney followed, now standing a foot from her.

Sydney tugged at Alex's arm to face her, but Alex pulled away.

"You ran into her the other night on purpose. You made sure she knew we had dinner together.

"I admit, it may have not been just a coincidence."

"My God Sydney!"

"Alexandra be realistic."

"Realistic? Sydney, you're the one with no basis in reality!"

"My reality is that I love you and that I can give you the life you deserve. Olivia can not."

Alex stood there, her mouth gaping open. She couldn't believe this.

Any of this.

In her silence, Sydney leaned in, pulling Alex into her, kissing her forcefully.

Alex quickly pulled away to see the satisfied look on Sydney's face.

"Get out of my office! Get out of my life! And if you dare even think about contacting Olivia…"

"Alexandra calm…"

"Get out Sydney! I don't want to see you again!"

Alex watched as Sydney gathered her things.

Sydney looked at Alex one last time and huffed, "you'll regret this when you tire of playing house and the real Alexandra Cabot wants more."

"Goodbye Sydney."

And her office door slammed shut.

Alex's face fell into her palms, trying desperately to comprehend all that had just happened.

Alex went back to her desk reaching for her cell phone.

"Amanda Rollins please."

Alex waited impatiently to be connected to Amanda's desk.

"Rollins."

"Amanda, this is Alex Cabot."

"Hi Alex," Amanda said, a bit confused why she would be calling her.

"Is Olivia there?"

"She is. She just came back to her office. Would you like me to…"

"I know this sounds a bit abrupt, but can you make sure she stays there? I need to see her now."

"Ok, um yeah sure. No problem."

"I'm on my way."


	23. Chapter 23

Ch. 23

There was only one man left at the 1-6 that could clearly identify the infamous sound of her clicking heels against the cement floors.

Though it had been years, the rhythm of expensive shoes and determination could easily be traced to Alexandra Cabot.

Fin sat up in his chair, wide-eyed at the sight of the blonde ambition appearing before him.

Alex took a moment to acknowledge Fin, obviously in no mood for pleasantries. She quickly looked to Amanda.

"She in her office?"

Amanda nodded confirming before Alex was off again and headed towards what was once Captain Cragen's office.

"Oh shit! What was that all about?" Fin asked, looking a bit dazed being in the wake of the surprise resurrection of Alexandra Cabot.

"I'm not sure, but by the look on her face, I know I wouldn't want to be in that room right now."

"Yeah, no kidding! And nobody's even seen Alex in years, what's her beef with Liv?"

Amanda just shrugged not letting Fin know that she knew about Alex and Liv's relationship.

She found out by accident, but had since kept her Lieutenants private life private, and valued Olivia even opening up to her.

Whatever was or wasn't about to be revealed, it wasn't coming from Amanda's mouth.

A quick courtesy knock, and before Olivia could respond Alex was in her office, door shut, even locked.

"Alex… what are you doing here?"

Olivia obviously surprised to see Alex in general, but to see her at the precinct was another level of surprise.

"We need to talk."

"This couldn't wait? You needed to come to the precinct?"

Olivia could tell Alex was fuming.

"Alex what?" Olivia knew she and Alex needed to talk, but something else had happened to cause this anger and sense of urgency.

Olivia stood from her desk, "Alex what?"

Olivia then caught Alex's eyes looking at the envelope on her desk.

"Well, I see you got Sydney's little gift. What did she call it? "A reminder of me."

"A reminder? What?"

"She sent the photos to me as well. I got them last night… I was furious so I called her. She didn't return my phone call. Instead, she came to my office this morning."

Olivia's eyes widened, her back straightening, but she wasn't saying a word.

Alexandra Caroline Cabot was on fire.

"She told me she sent you the photos too. She said you needed a reminder of me. I asked why would my girlfriend need a reminder of me?" Alex said, now pacing. "Let's just say she wanted you to have these photos for when I went back to her."

Olivia's mouth gaped open. "Oh."

"She told me she was still in love with me and that she could give me everything you couldn't. She said, that I needed to be realistic and that I would tire of I believe she said, "playing house with you".

Olivia took a deep breath, pushing her anger deeper into her gut.

"And you said?"

It was a question.

For Olivia, it had been a question.

"What did I say?" Alex questioned raising her brow in an almost disbelief. "I told her she was bat shit crazy!"

Olivia couldn't help but give a slight grin.

"Well she's not completely wrong she can give you what I can't."

"First of all, Sydney doesn't even know what I want! And Jesus, you don't seem to either! She's lost her mind thinking I want to live in this little world she's created and you think you don't deserve ANYTHING and here I am…. I'm not even in the middle! She CAN'T ever give me what I want, only you can! I don't care if she is in love with me, wants me, can fly me to Paris and live some ridiculously extravagant life. I love you! I want you. I've always wanted you!"

Alex was out of breath.

"Alex, I know…"

"No Olivia you don't know! You have the thickest skull of any human being I've ever met! I did have dinner with Sydney! It was innocent. I thought I was having dinner with a friend. I hated you were having whatever issues with Sydney, but I thought I was just having dinner with a friend. She obviously had ulterior motives. "Accidentally" running into you, making sure you knew we had dinner together…"

"Well, at least I wasn't imaging Sydney trying to come between us."

"No, you weren't. And she was playing on your insecurities…"

"I'm sorry Alex. I guess I'm a lot more fragile that I pretend not to be."

"Olivia, baby, Sydney was just stirring shit up! Please, please do not second guess my love for you!"

Olivia took a deep breath.

"What the hell has happened?" Olivia said letting it all sync in.

"Sydney happened."

Olivia shook her head agreeing.

"Liv, tell me you're okay."

"I'm an idiot."

"I feel pretty foolish myself right now."

"Yeah but I was so worried about protecting myself, protecting Noah, she could have taken you away, I was pushing you away."

"Don't apologize for protecting yourself, and especially for protecting Noah, but I have no intentions of going away and breaking anyone's heart."

Alex leaned in kissing Olivia.

Olivia slid her arms around Alex.

"Still, I'm sorry I was such a pain in the ass."

"You were a pain in the ass, but you also have really good intuition. You saw Sydney's intentions and I didn't or at least I was ignoring them."

Olivia held Alex face in her hands.

"I'd like to drop a house on Sydney Harper."

Alex smiled, letting out a breathy laugh.

"Oh, I think tornado Alex already did that."

Olivia grinned before kissing Alex once again.

"Is there any way we could get out of here? Maybe lock ourselves up in the apartment so Sydney can't find us?"

"Ha ha, very funny Cabot."

Olivia let Alex go, grabbing her things and then Alex's hand.

Olivia stepped out of her office, Alex following behind her, their fingers intertwined.

"Fin, you're in charge. I'm taking the rest of the day."

Fin looked at Amanda, "What? Were they holding hands? What just happened?"

Amanda couldn't wipe the grin from her face.

"Looks to me like Alex just took care of business."


	24. Chapter 24

Ch. 24

"So the goal is to wear him out, dinner, bath, read, bed?"

"Then I take you to bed." Olivia grinned.

Alex returned the smile. "The next few hours are going to be a lesson in patience because it's taking all I can to keep my hands off of you," Alex said, giving Olivia a little subtle pinch to her behind.

"Alex Cabot we're outside of a pre-school."

"What are you trying to say to me?" She joked.

Olivia laughed holding the door, making sure her hand subtly rested at Alex's lower back, guiding her towards Noah's classroom.

"Olivia, you're off early today?"

"Lindsay hi, yes I snuck out when I could."

Before Olivia could introduce Alex to one of Noah's teachers, Lindsay looked to Alex. "And you must be Lex?"

Alex's eyes widened, puzzled.

"Alex actually, nice to meet you."

"Ah A-Lex, great to finally meet you," Lindsay said excitedly. "Noah talks about you all of the time."

"He does!" Alex was now grinning ear to ear looking Olivia's way.

Olivia smiled, and though she wondered what Noah was saying she couldn't help but love seeing Alex so happy that Noah thought of her and talked about her so much.

"Lex!"

Noah came barrelling towards Alex so quickly she barely had time to brace herself before he latched his arms around her neck tightly, and she scooped him up.

"Hi baby, I missed you."

"I miss you, Lex!"

Olivia looked at Lindsey, "I'm chopped liver in comparison," she said referring to Noah completely passing her by for Alex.

"Ms. Lindsay, this my other mama, Lex!" Noah introduced proudly.

Olivia's eyes widened, her mouth open.

No words.

"Oh, she is?" Lindsay asked looking back and forth to a stumbling Olivia and Alex.

"Ok... Noah, go get your backpack so we can go!" Olivia said moving the conversation along.

The women left standing there decided to nervously laugh it off.

"Ok, I ready now."

Olivia took Noah's backpack as Noah insisted on attaching himself again to Alex.

Olivia didn't blame him, she wanted to attach herself to Alex too.

They made their way out onto the sidewalk, walking towards Olivia's apartment.

"Sorry about the Mama thing, I don't don't know where he got that."

Alex laughed.

"What can you say he's a charmer, he knows right where to get you," Alex said, looking to the little boy who was holding her hand. "Besides, I wouldn't mind being his other Mama."

Olivia stopped walking, Alex and Noah both coming to a halt with her. "Oh," was all Olivia managed to say.

Alex just smiled giving no further explanation, then began to walk again, pulling them along.

They didn't discuss.

Alex smiled at Olivia letting her know she was sure of what she had just said to her.

The rest of the walk home was easy.

Noah, swinging from their arms, talks of what to order for dinner, stolen glances to remind of the reconciliation sex that was to come.

By the time they made it to the apartment, heels and purses and backpacks were quickly discarded for bare feet, hugs and Noah's latest show and tell to Alex about all the things she had missed.

"See Lex it better when you here with us," Noah stated.

"I agree, and I'm sorry I didn't get to see you much lately, but your mama and I are fixing that."

Alex looked to Olivia as she nodded agreeing.

"We sure are!" Olivia said leaning over Alex to tickle him into squealing laughter, and then to Alex until they both begged for mercy. Olivia stopped only to be the recipient of retaliation tickles from both Noah and Alex.

Giggles continued until the buzzer rang with their dinner.

"Ok, ok I give!" Olivia laughed surrendering.

"I'll get the food!" Alex said giving a kiss to the top of Noah's head and a quick kiss to Olivia's lips.

"Korean food, more playtime, a bath, all went off without a hitch. Noah suggested Alex pick the bedtime stories and that they both snuggle in his bed and read to him.

Halfway through the third book, Noah's eyes fluttered sleepily, and suddenly requesting kisses and hugs from both Mama and Lex before he couldn't keep his eyes open any longer.

"He's asleep," Olivia announced in a whisper.

They made their way out into the hallway, closing Noah's door quietly.

"I could catch up on some work," Alex teased.

"Work huh?" Olivia said pressing herself against Alex's backside, wrapping her arms around her waist.

"Yeah, I'm sure there are some notes I need to make or a brief…"

Alex's joking subsided as Olivia nibbled on the lobe of her ear.

"Mmmm."

"Mmmm?" Olivia grinned in question

Alex turned in Olivia's arms, "I've missed you so much, I've missed your soft lips on my skin, the way you fit against me."

Olivia grinned, her hands unbuttoning Alex's silk blouse, her hands now roaming across Alex's stomach, cupping her breast, her fingers over sensitized by the lace of her bra.

"Allllex," Olivia drug out, unable to form a sentence.

"Bedroom now," Alex commanded and Olivia began to walk backward and Alex followed never losing contact of skin or lips.

"It's been too long," Alex said undressing Olivia haphazardly, Olivia's bra and panties following without hesitation.

Alex's sudden rush to have her girlfriend naked and panting her name didn't go unnoticed, and it only turned Olivia on.

Olivia made sure Alex's shirt and pants were gone as well before Alex dropped to her knees pulling Olivia closer.

Olivia's sex meeting her mouth.

Before Olivia could protest, Alex sunk her mouth into Olivia's center.

"Oh God, Alex," Olivia said trying to steady herself, her knees already weakening as she tried to stand while her girlfriend slid her fingers inside of her and licked and lapped her.

"Alex, I can't stand, baby, please... "

Olivia had Alex's head in her hands involuntarily pushing her away so she could lie back on the bed.

Alex pulled from Oliva, standing, backing her on to the bed, staying in control.

She kissed Olivia letting her taste herself before making her way back between Olivia's legs, letting her know she wasn't done.

One finger, two, now three as she fucked Olivia and swirled her tongue against Olivia's clit.

"Oh God baby… I'm gonna come, please… ple…"

Olivia didn't finish her plea before her body shook against Alex's relentless mouth.

Moans of pleasure and the sound of Alex's name burst into the air.

Alex slowly pulled away from Olivia as she came down.

"Alex?"

Alex made her way beside Olivia, now seeing the beads of sweat that had formed between her voluptuous breasts.

"Yes, baby?" Alex whispered.

"My body."

"Yes, baby your body," Alex said her fingertips roaming against Olivia's chest.

"Feels amazing, you're so amazing!"

"I love you."

"I love you, so much."

Olivia took her last heaving breath of recovery and rolled over on top of Alex.

They kissed passionately again and again before Olivia tugged at the sides of Alex's panties. "These have to go," Olivia said grinning. "And this," she said, unclasping Alex's bra.

Olivia kissed and licked and nipped Alex's skin, taking much more time to relish in Alex's naked body.

From her collarbone to the tips of her nipples, just above her bellybutton to her hips and her inner thighs.

Kissing and teasing.

Olivia slid her fingers between Alex's lower lips, grinning as her fingers were coated with Alex desire. She ran her fingers back and forth and back and forth. Alex was certain she had never been wetter than she was right then and if Olivia kept going she would come sooner than later.

Olivia spread Alex's legs further apart admiring her glistening center.

"Perfect," was all Olivia whispered. Before slowly sliding two fingers into Alex.

Alex's back arched as she reached to tangle her fingers into Olivia's silky hair.

The intensity of Olivia's eyes bore into Alex as Olivia pushed her fingers in and out of her.

When Olivia was satisfied with finger fucking her girlfriend she separated Alex's lower lips and sunk her mouth against Alex's swollen clit.

"Yes, baby, yes…"

Alex was trying desperately to be quiet and not disturb Noah across the hall.

Olivia felt Alex's body stiffen against her.

Alex couldn't help but hold Olivia's head in place against her center.

Alex's legs spread wide, Olivia relentless to an already shivering Alex.

She didn't have to ask Alex to come for her.

Alex came.

A loud moan that couldn't be stifled came as her intense orgasm hit.

Olivia kissed her giving Alex's clit one last pull, sending aftershocks through her body.

Alex was breathless, her head still tilted back against the pillow.

"That was, I think, Yeah that was the best orgasm I've ever had."

Olivia grinned, still hovering over Alex, breasts skimming the others.

"Just wanted you to know how much I missed you," Olivia whispered against her ear.

Olivia's body fell beside Alex's, and Alex turned to Olivia, the light of the moon shedding the only light to their naked bodies.

"Can we stay here forever?" Alex asked.

"If only," Olivia said, placing a kiss Alex's shoulder.

Alex turned looking to Olivia, brushing a stray strand of hair from her eyes.

"What?" Alex asked, knowing the familiar look on Olivia's face.

"Nothing," Olivia grinned.

"Spill it, Benson."

Olivia ran the tip of her finger from Alex's shoulder, down her arm.

"Do you believe in being meant to be, having a soulmate?"

Alex was a bit surprised at Olivia's question.

A question she never expected Olivia to ask much less think about.

"Not until you," Alex answered honestly. "I didn't know love this deeply, I didn't know I could be so connected and infatuated with someone… for this long."

"It has been a long time," Olivia agreed.

"But that's how I know you're my soulmate."

"Yeah," Olivia said, her eyes never leaving Alex's. "That's how I know too."

 ***** Err honestly not sure if** I should end it here. I could go on with their love story, with Sydney, but this also **ends it nice and happy.** -Mel


	25. Epilogue

I could give you a hundred reasons why I'm just writing this epilogue, but all I can say is I appreciate ALL of your feedback so much, and that it means so much that you continue to read my stories when I do get around to writing them. ;)

I hope this epilogue will do some justice to wrapping up the story for you.

XO - Mel

 **Epilogue**

"Olivia!" Alex called out. "Have you seen the box with the sheets for our bed? I found Noah's..."

"Babe, I think I saw the box stacked in the hallway," Olivia yelled back, clearly across the apartment.

Alex took a deep breath, trying to keep her wits about her with this whole moving thing.

She was more than excited to finally be all in one place with Olivia and Noah. She had no doubts about them combining their lives and their stuff, considering the last year they had been inseparable.

Alex stepped over clothes boxes and the pile of shoes, that Noah insisted he knew how to unpack. He did know how to unpack, just not where to put things away.

She stumbled, somewhat literally to the hallway, looking for the boxes labeled "sheets".

"Lex?"

"Yes, baby?" Alex answered from her knees as she inspected the stack of boxes.

"I give you this," Noah said holding his fist that was held tightly together towards her.

Alex stopped her shuffling, now giving her attention to Noah.

"What it is baby?" Alex asked as she held her hand open for whatever he was about to give her, and praying that the 4-year-old had not found some bug for her.

Noah dropped the object into Alex's hand.

She looked down, her eyes wide.

The diamond ring sparkling against her palm.

"Noah, what… where did you get this?" Alex asked confused.

"Mama said, I have to hold on to it tight and not droppeded it," Noah said looking at Alex innocently. "She says it is yours forever.

Alex's mouth open, her heart racing, unsure of what was really happening.

"Hey, Noah," Olivia said peering from around the corner, making her way to their place on the floor in the hallway. "Maybe Lex will let us put it on her finger, see if it fits her just right?"

Alex still looked at Olivia stunned as Olivia took the ring from Alex's hand. She then slid it on her left ring finger.

"A perfect fit," Olivia whispered.

"Olivia… what…"

"Alexandra Caroline Cabot, will you marry me?"

Tears immediately streamed from Alex's eyes.

"I', I, want nothing more, of course, I'll marry you."

Olivia leaned into Alex, kissing her passionately until they were interrupted by Noah's giggles.

"And you, remember the question you wanted to ask Lex?" Olivia said, trying desperately to hold back her own tears.

Noah nodded, understanding that was his que. "Lex, now will you be my mommy?"

"Baby, yes, yes, I will be your mommy, I love you so much," Alex said squeezing Noah tight.

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO

Olivia looked down at the diamond ring on her finger.

It wasn't ridiculous or overdone, but Olivia never saw herself as a big sparkling diamond type and in recent years not the marrying type.

But here she was married to her soulmate, and couldn't help but love the ring on her finger that was a reminder that she was Olivia Benson-Cabot.

Olivia grinned to herself, then looking over to Noah, his hair standing wildly as he had planted himself in front on the TV, his eyes fixated on the cartoon he had seen at least fifty times.

Still, in their pajamas, Olivia sipped her coffee that lazy Saturday morning.

"Babe?" Alex said, making her way around the corner of the kitchen.

"There are my girls!" Olivia said setting down her coffee, reaching for their baby girl and giving a quick kiss to her wife.

"Charlie!" Noah squealed at the sight of his baby sister.

Charlotte Benson-Cabot was born nearly 8 months ago.

Her birth mother had chosen Alex and Olivia to adopt her baby thanks to Trevor Langen.

And she was the perfect addition to their little family.

Not only had Alex and Olivia instantly fallen madly in love with their blue-eyed girl, but it seems to be love at first sight for big brother and little sister as well.

"Mrs. Benson-Cabot is that a red bikini you have on under there?" Olivia said peeking through Alex's open button down shirt.

"You like? I thought of you when I bought it." Alex said holding her shirt open to give Olivia a better view.

"Not like, I LOVE! Red bikini... good choice babe!" Olivia said stealing another kiss from Alex. "And you, baby girl look so cute," Olivia said, kissing Charlotte's chubby cheeks.

Charlotte had her very own bikini but was modestly covered in a matching tunic and hat, both Alex and Olivia were surprised she was allowing on her head.

"Noah, you and Mama need to go and get your swimsuits on, so we can go to the beach!"

"I gotta teach Charlie to jump the waves today!"

This was only their second day back in Martha's Vineyard this Summer.

Olivia told Noah he would have to wait until Charlotte was a little older before she could swim in the ocean, Noah had not forgotten and he considered her now old enough.

Alex and Olivia had made a promise to make more time to go to the house in Martha's Vineyard with the kids.

Alex had such a great childhood and created so many memories there, she wanted Noah and Charlotte to have the same experiences.

"Ok sweetheart, let let mommy have her coffee and you and I can get out swimsuits on and then we can all go to the beach!"

"Yes! Let's go!" Noah said no longer waiting for his Mama and headed for his room to change.

AOAOAOAOAOAOAO

"I remember going to the beach and all I took with me was sunglasses," Olivia said watching Alex unpack her over extended beach bag.

"I'm surprised you even wore sunglasses!" Alex teased.

"What can I say, I'm a sun worshiper. Now look at me, I'm slathering my wife and babies with a number sunscreen protection I never knew existed."

"Well your family had delicate skin, we can't all be bronze goddesses like you."

Olivia looked over to their son already digging in the sand and to their baby girl, already making herself comfortable next to Alex, under the giant blue and white striped umbrella.

She pulled off her cover up revealing her emerald green swimsuit, and yes her bronzed goddess like body.

Olivia caught Alex grinning.

"What?"

"Just admiring the view!" Alex said pulling her Rayban's down her nose so she could peek over the rims to get a better look at Olivia.

Olivia laughed. "Want me to take "Charlie?"

"No, I've got her. You and Noah should go catch some waves."

Noah hearing his Mommy's suggestion jumped up immediately.

"Ok, get your boogie board," Olivia coaxed.

"You watch us mommy?"

"Yes, baby."

"Charlie," Noah said peeking under the brim of his sister's hat, "You watch me ok?"

Charlotte reached out for her brother, waving her arms as if she were cheering him on.

Alex watched Olivia hold on to Noah and his boogie board, setting him up for just the right wave.

She looked down to see her daughters looking up at her, her eyes fluttering, fighting sleep for the excitement around her.

Looking into Charlotte's eyes, looking out and seeing Noah and Olivia, Alex was awestruck once again at how her life had changed, who she had become.

The decision to send Olivia flowers, tell her she missed her, and to boldly show up at her apartment on her birthday was the boldest move she had ever made.

Knowing what emptiness and misery her life was without Olivia, she vowed to never lose Olivia again.

And despite Olivia's justified hesitance to jump all in and Sydney showing up, and not giving Olivia any assurance, she didn't waiver. She didn't waiver in her vow to herself or to Olivia.

Sydney was long gone.

She had sent an apology to both Alex and Olivia, and let them know that she was cutting her time short in New York and that much to their relief, she would be headed to Milan for an extended time.

She had never expected Sydney to be the curveball in her relationship with Olivia. And even till this day, she can't believe the woman she once loved and trusted tried to sabotage her happiness with the love of her life.

"Mommy! You see me ride that wave."

"I did baby! You're so good!"

Olivia followed, she was grinning ear to ear at her son.

"Noah, let me dry you off a bit so you won't have sand all over you."

Noah obliged his Mama who had now made her way under the umbrella next to Charlotte and Alex.

"You both look content," Olivia said looking to her girls. "What ya thinking about?"

"How perfect you are."

"Hardly."

"To me, you're perfect."

Olivia smiled as she let Noah go from the hold of his towel and he headed back to his castle in the sand.

Olivia laid back in the lounge chair, looking over, Charlotte had given in and was fast asleep.

Olivia reached over for Alex's hand.

"What ya thinking about? Alex smirked repeating Olivia's question.

"I'm thinking you, me, Noah, Charlotte… us… it's all because of you. I owe all this happiness to you."

"I think we all had a little something to do with it."

"Yeah, but if you hadn't…"

"I was just thinking about that myself. If I hadn't…"

"Thank God for your persistence." Olivia offered.

"Or stubbornness," Alex countered.

"Whatever it was, I'm so thankful you came back to me, that you love me."

"I love you so much," Alex assured.

"You and me, these babies, this is forever. I'm in forever..."

Alex smiled, "I'm in too."

The End


End file.
